Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

indecent scheme

I heard the following story last night at Fontana’s:

JetBlue Reports: Bums headed to L.A. got off the phone with the folks at JetBlue Airways who have their corporate headquarters located at Queens Blvd. It seems that not since Mayor Giuliani has such a mass exodus of homeless people been seen before.

Said Jeffrey Nussbaum, senior VP on-street marketing at JetBlue, “We’ve never received so many homeless people purchasing tickets for LAX before. Our marketing techniques are finally paying off.”

Some outsider speculation has uncovered that there might be another reason for bums to be heading to LAX besides free blue chips & complimentary beverages. Turns out that L.A. is allowing or rather like Amsterdam, not criminalizing sleeping on the streets.

One bum who simply is known as Camel Carl said, “Those blue chips & free seltzer water and personal TVs had sealed the deal for me a while back. Then I heard about the new L.A. law. I mean, if you’re going to fly for 6 hours you need to be entertained. But usually the flight is half the fun and when you arrive at your destination, you’re like, just not into it anymore. But with free lodging, who can complain?”

Camel Carl is taking an early 8 am flight tomorrow to LAX.

NYC Metblog Subway Awards

We’ve seen subway acts. We’ve heard all their pitches. Now it’s time for the ultimate showdown. You decide their fate.

You must turn on JavaScript to view the PulsePoll. For tech support: co-laboratory

“There is Now a Starbucks in my Pants.”

home_img1_starbucks.jpgThat is one of my favorite George Carlin lines of all time, and I can’t think of a line that is more appropriate for my post today…

It is nothing new to complain about the overkill of the chain store. The first blatant example of over-expansion that I can recall in my 25-year-old life was Benaton. As the small upscale clothing retailer went from a handful of corners with a store to a handful of corners without, society became aware of the problems that accompany these massive chains. Then there was WalMart and KMart. But, as time went by, we became somewhat desensitized to it, and our fears managed to be culled by the promise of low prices and good deals. Plus, here in Gotham, we were fairly insulated to the growth of the “chain” phenomenon because of the prevalence of the local store and neighborhood identity.

Baby Cuz I’m a Thug

When iPod buds became the most prominent accessory as opposed to ghetto blasters, I knew that a huge change had come to the subway experience. People would envy iPod white buds in the ears; they’d rob you of them or just give you a dirty look. Now they’re as common as the giant rats that infest each station of the NYC subway.

So when I saw a dude walking down the street not with a Ghetto blaster but what looked like a ghetto blaster’s gentrified, more tinsel sounding baby stereo, I couldn’t help but notice and laugh. I didn’t laugh out loud, I laughed on the inside and wondered if the white buds of today which are so hip and cool will be the laughing stock of tomorrow.

And even if the ghetto blaster was of an acceptable size, it was extremely cold out today to be carrying one around. It just goes to show you, not everyone is a part of the cool machine! I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but it’s definitely a New York City thing.

Foto de Toilette! Everyone uses them, everyone needs them, yet most places I go to have dirty bathrooms. Occasionally though I find one that blows my mind and makes me pull out my handy dandy laptop inserted camera and before or after (usually before) I take care of my business, I’ll snap a quick photo for all you voyeurs to look at. This particular bathroom is actually from that place I had coffee at this morning on 22nd and 7th!

Enjoy you little freaks. Click here to See the other one

Dinner Afuera

People love to eat dinner outside in New York City. I’ve never seen a city more thriving with patrons of restaurant cuisine. I mean does anyone in this city cook anymore? You walk down the street and your McDonald’s and pubs with finger foods and even those crazy ass overpriced gyms won’t let you leave until you drink one of their shakes.

It’s like New Yorkers don’t like to cook anymore! I know I know, we just don’t have enough time. You like the way I put the afuera in the headline of this article. That’s because we’re multi-cultural and if the Subway PSAs are in both English & Spanish, so should be the NYC Metroblog.

Maybe there’s a conspiracy that’s started with the restaurant guide people fighting the grocers. More to come as it develops or disappears.

New Yorker joins the YouTube Generation

The New Yorker’s new look comes with a brand new feature. All those classic New Yorker cartoons you love…they’re all animated now! It seems they’ve developed their own type of YouTube and added voices, music, color, and most importantly moving animation to their hilarious comics!

My life is now complete.

Polar Buns this was quite an interesting picture. I have thought about joining the Polar Bear club multiple times this year but never, in my wildest imagination have I pictured walking down Times Square in a thong.

Photo Courtesy: smurfmatic

Improv no more

The other night I had the chance to see some free improv.

Like most improv, it was sometimes funny and sometimes not. Of course I should take into consideration that this was a performance by college kids, not a professional, edited episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway?

But I remember my own university improv group being hilarious – I actually laughed to the point of crying. And so did this audience of mostly college students.

I guess it’s true: I’m so beyond my college years now that I can’t even enjoy improv. That’d have to go for acapella too.

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