Melissa’s Tough Love: How NOT to Meet a Woman at a Bar

A friend of mine and I were given tickets to the Knicks game last night. Yes, I know… they suck, but I’d be silly to turn down a night where I am going to be in a stadium full of men!

After the game was over, we stopped by Stout for one last drink. That’s when Jay and his friend Kevin came by to chat us up.

Kevin was fine, but this is the Top 10 list of things that Jay did and what you guys should avoid:

1. Keep the comments about her legs to yourself. You JUST met her. Tone it down unless she’s flirting with you and purposely showing off her legs.
2. When you “think” you’ve said something clever, don’t hold up your hand to give her the fist bump. It’s just as bad as the high five and trust me… you’re not all that clever.
3. If she lives in NYC and has stated that she loves it there, don’t try to convince her that Hoboken is better. NOTHING you say will convince her.
4. Do NOT chew gum while you’re talking to her. There is no need for anyone to watch you chew when you’re not in the middle of a meal. Have a mint if your breath is stinky.
5. Don’t drink out of her glass of water. It’s gross.

6. When you realize that she’s not interested don’t get bitter and insulting. Just excuse yourself because your snide comments will not increase your chances.
7. Don’t act bitter when you notice that your friend Kevin is getting a better response from the ladies than you are. Take note: He’s not acting like a fool, he’s a LOT more interesting, he’s funny, and his dance moves to “Wonderwall” really are hysterical. (I’ve had that song stuck in my head all day)
8. If you’re Kevin, leave Jay at home.
9. When you notice that there are other guys at the bar that are checking out the ladies you’re talking to, don’t get all pissy and say that they’re gay.
10. Don’t touch her OR her friend because when she tells you that she’ll put her elbow through your teeth if you lay another hand on either one of them… she will.

Basically, when things aren’t going in the direction you want them to go, just excuse yourself and rethink your approach for the next time. They’ll be happy you did and in the end, you will too.

4 Comments so far

  1. laluneestmorte on November 27th, 2008 @ 12:35 am

    Hmm, this is strange because I JUST broke up with a guy named Jay who turned out to be a total douche (he did that whole guilt-trip thing, was a bit bitter) who happens to live in Hoboken. Was he kind of tanned?

  2. Melissa (nyc_melissa) on November 27th, 2008 @ 10:54 am

    That would be very funny if this was the same guy. Don’t recall him being all that tan, but he was about 5′ 7”, short brown hair – which probably describes a lot of men. Sadly, I don’t remember much else about him since his bad attitude stood out more than anything.

  3. laluneestmorte on November 27th, 2008 @ 11:22 am

    He might have lost the tan, but that would be strange if it were the same guy! Did Kevin end up getting a number that night or did Jay interrupt that? I hate encountering guys like that!

  4. Melissa (nyc_melissa) on November 27th, 2008 @ 12:00 pm

    Kevin lost out… my friend was enjoying his company.

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