Dear sir,
I am so very sorry you didn’t get enough sleep last night. Truly, I understand. I have been there. And certainly the gentle lolling of the subway train as it creeps downtown is reminiscent of nothing if not the gentle rocking of a bassinet by mom’s foot as she sits in her rocker, idly rocking you to sleep while she darns dad’s socks.
However, I personally seem to reminiscent of nothing to you if not a pillow. I do not know how this could be as I appear to be lumpy and human shaped. Still, I am happy that I am able to provide you with the necessary comfort which you clearly need in order to sleep well. My discomfort as your body pushes me into the lady next to me means little as I bask in the glow of satisfaction that I am helping you recover from your all-night bender, sleeping the terrible curse of a hangover off with the help of my own pain and discomfort, secure in the knowledge that I am doing my part for my inconsiderate fellow man.
Yes, sir, please continue to sleep on me. It is just my little way of giving back.

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