10 Reasons I Love Bay Ridge (Don’t Move Here! This Means You!)

10. Parades! Zeppoles!
9. Yards and landscaping
8. Crazy street people much rarer
7. Quick escape over Verazzano Bridge
6. Block after block of family homes
5. Reasonable rent in pretty cool apartments–er, except none are currently available! Hear me?
4. No roving hordes of club people or celebrities
3. Dearth of hipsters
2. No Ratner building going up here!
1. Owners of bagel place, pizza joint, dry cleaners, laundromat, and grocery store all know our names, our “usuals”, and feel comfortable teasing us unmercifully.

I’m only kidding. I made all that up! It’s a horrible place to live. Really terrible. Don’t bother entertaining a single thought of moving here, because it’s not worth it. We’re all scum and we’lll cut you. I’m being serious.

3 Comments so far

  1. naomi (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 10:36 am

    I am going to pass out fliers to all the homeless people, addicts, thugs, and social misfits residing in the E. Village You know, the shady types who crawl out of their studio apartments only at night, when the moon is full, to scavenge for food, water and dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?. My bright yellow flier will read: “Come Live In Bay Ridge – Free Metro Card!” I will ad an incentive to all the smelly vagrants that if they move to Bay Ridge, they get to wash their clothes for free! And crack-ho’s, they can sleep on nicely manicured lawns!

    Muah ha ha ha Muah ha ha!!! (Dr. Evil laugh) Muah ha ha haaaaa Muah ha ha ha Muah ha ha haha

    P.S. Just Kidding : ))) Just have a sick mind and too much free time : ))

  2. susan (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 11:16 am

    Wow, that sounds like a lovely place. Sign me up immediately to move there.

  3. jay (unregistered) on August 31st, 2006 @ 4:39 pm

    i hang out in bay ridge. i grew up in bay ridge. i happen to like it. I’d rather be there than hanging with the “god, i’m so deep and above it all” idiots in williamsburg, or the “god, i’m so cutting edge that i dress like im homeless” crowd in park slope.

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