Last night I had nothing to do, so I went to see a show at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater over on 26th and 8th Avenue. While I was waiting in line to buy a ticket, I struck up a conversation with a nice looking young woman standing behind me. It turned out that we had a lot in common: We’re both relative newcomers to New York, we’re both looking for work, and we both apparently had no friends to go to the theater with. We were getting along swimmingly, so when it came time for the show to start we took our seats next to each other.
“This is great!” I thought to myself as the lights dimmed. “I came to this theater all alone assuming it would be kind of a lonely night, but now I have met this charming girl and it’s almost as if I’m on an impromptu, pseudo-date. How fortuitous!”
I imagined our possible romantic life together: Strolling hand-in-hand through Central Park, sipping coffee at a SoHo cafe while making witty conversation, kissing on top of the Empire State Building while fireworks exploded in the background. It would be marvelous.

And then the show started, and I heard her laugh. Well, “laugh” may be too charitable of a word. It was more of a braying, gasping sort of guffaw. If you can imagine the sound a horse might make if it were sobbing loudly, you should have a good idea of the sound that was erupting from this girl’s mouth. I won’t say that every shred of attraction I had to her vanished, but it was very close to that. How could I get past that laugh?

When it comes to romantic relationships, I am certainly a beggar. I understand that. But can I help it if I’m also a chooser? This girl was 99% there, but the truth of the matter is, I demand 100%. It’s just my nature. Does this doom me to a life of solitude and misery? Probably. But how can anyone be with anyone they’re not 100% on?