Recently, I had one of those NY moments.

During my productive ‘downtime’ at work, I was casually perusing Craigslist apartment listings and became so disenchanted and discouraged with some of the outrageous rents listed, I had to ask myself ‘Do I really know what I’m doing (in New York, I mean)’. Even in my wildest dreams, I couldn’t afford a $3000/month 1 BR apt in Williamsburg or Manhattan even.

Mind you, I’m not even in the market for apartment hunting.

Last year, I had 3 possible apartments. One I lived in for 6 years with 2 other gal pals in Manhattan. It was rent-stabilized and cramped, yet some called it as good as winning the lottery.

The other, I signed with my younger sis who just moved to New York. I gave up the rent-stabilized palace for a 2 -bedroom apt in the UES.

The third, in Williamsburg, just happened. A good friend of mine wanted to relocate to San Francisco and had an extra room to rent here, while he chased sunsets there.

My sister had already packed my bags for me.

While searching for apartments, as I don’t have any anymore, but would one day like a place of my own, I realized in both jobs and homes (and maybe loves too) in this city, I just fell into it. Maybe by chance or by some random coincidence, but somehow things worked out okay in the end.

Then it hit me though, what if I was getting by just to get by, and what if New York doesn’t have a grand plan for me as I don’t have one for it.

It was a NY moment. A moment where I wondered to myself, how long can dreams last in this city before you wake up and give up?

Afer dinner with the sister, I picked up the rest of my sh–. (stuff), as our lease runs out now, and I dragged around a suitcase of my belongings on the 6 train to the L train to Bedford Ave in Brooklyn.

Bag in tow, memories attached, I looked around the subway car and saw a lone girl applying mascara in the train. That takes skills, I thought to myself and smiled. Then another gal aboards the same car in her cowboy boots and fishnet stockings –and I thought well now that’s just sheer determination in this weather.

Yet, I identified with both of these NY women. Despite all the obstacles and hardships we face: weather, mass transit, rats, we find a way to overcome them. Sometimes in stiletto heels too.

Perhaps, I don’t really know where I’m heading or what I’m doing in NY, but just being here in the city, riding that train and living in my favorite place, was enough for for me – even for a NY minute.