Michael and Metroblogs at the Movies


I saw Firewall this weekend from fourth row center of some theatre on 86th and Lexington. It made me wish I was in Pink Panther instead watching Beyonce trip and stumble her way through another title role. That’s how bad it was. It was My Chemical Romance covering Fall Out Boy covering James Blunt on Magic Johnson’s “The Magic Hour” bad. Though the movie is forehead-slapping terrible, Harrison Ford, sans Air Force One or Short Round, is still the man in this laughably trite cinematic offering. What can I say, there aren’t enough “Get off my plane!”s to make me not like Harrison. And boy does he spit a multitude of these loud and grizzled cliché one-liners in this shitstorm. It was one of those movie-going experiences where the audience laughs when their not supposed to and invariably steers you clear of ever taking the movie seriously. Virginia Madsen squanders her talents as his architect wife while criminal mastermind Paul Bettany does his best with the terrible script before him. For all the anxiety build up (will the family die? will Harrison’s “Jack Stanfield” get blamed for the theft?) the pay off was a mutherfuckin Sears portrait of a family walking off into the sunset with dog in tow. I’d go into more detail about the plot, characters, etc, but it angers me to even think about this Jamba Duece. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked.

I give it one Art Lowe out of a possible five Art Lowes.

2 Comments so far

  1. ~dana (unregistered) on February 13th, 2006 @ 6:26 pm

    Just so we are clear–in your ratings system is 1 Art Lowe the worst, or is it possible to get 0 Art Lowes?

  2. Dave (unregistered) on February 16th, 2006 @ 8:58 am

    Can your rating system get any Lowe[r] than “1”?

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