Looking for an Apartment?
I’m currently looking for a new apartment and I just keep laughing at the descriptions these brokers post on craigslist.
Here’s some decripted broker lingo to help you out if you too are looking. Add others! Would love to know what to look out for ;)
cozy=small
charming=unrenovated
1+ bedroom=one bedroom and a small closet
modern=Jennifer Convertibles modern
with yard=dump in back
perfect for a couple=small
manhattan just 15 minutes away=more like 40 minutes
old world charm=old
small kitchen=fridge and stove in living room
no broker’s fee but shown by a broker=fee tapped onto your monthly rent
Cats OK – Purrrrrr = you’ll need a cat to chase the rats and mice away
Friendly neighbors = you can hear them brush their teeth through the paper-thin walls
Lovely view = only partially obstructed by an ugly brick wall
And for those of you looking to buy multiple family dwellings:
Delivered Vacant = The place is such a sh*thole we couldn’t even rent it out and that is why they are selling.
With current tenants paying $x.xx per month in rent = These tenants haven’t paid up in months and that is why the place is being sold. The current owner is too lazy to evict and figures selling is cheaper and faster. Then if you buy the place you get to enter into a 10 month legal battle to get said tenants off your property and the whole time they won’t be paying you rent but you will need to repair their place and make sure their water/heat/electicity is working.
Not that I have any experience with this or anything.
LOLZ!!!!