Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

Gluttony, Alcoholism, and Retardation Can’t Keep Us Down

This all started when I went to my local bodega and I read a big fat sign that said MUST BE 19 to Buy Cigarettes. Ninja what? When did this happen? That’s hot though that it did, but I had not heard any news stories about it, no press coverage, nothing? Or maybe I missed the boat? Or maybe this particular store just deals with things a bit differently? I have no clue, but as I started researching this, I stumbled upon a news article that stated New Yorkers are living longer lives despite obesity, voluminous alcohol consumption and lead poisoning.

It also turned out that the hipsters are the ones that are doing more of the boozing. 23% of people living in the West Village and SoHo had been binge drinking whereas only 14% citywide.

Despite all of these unhealthy habits, it turns out that New Yorkers have a longer lifespan than most. So go out and celebrate! But in moderation. . . because if you do all those things (which the article didn’t really mention) even despite living a longer life, it may not be the most painless.

What’s in a name?

Manhattan-based Fox News may have accomplished what the Bush Administration failed to do: bring down Osama bin Laden. By linking his name with presidential candidate Barak Obama, Fox has seriously undermined the terrorist leader’s standing within his own party.

“Osama, Obama,” says one Taliban follower, “makes you wonder…” Rivals for the jihad leadership are discrediting Osama by mispronouncing his name, creating a subliminal suggestion that he harbors the political views of a senator from Illinois. A report circulated on Radio Kabul further suggests that Osama may have attended a secular school when he was six years old. Furious loyalists insist that the 9/11 mastermind is resolutely Middle Eastern, not Midwestern, but even so, the unfortunate name association sticks.

Observes Fox News commentator Dexter Ailes, “It probably doesn’t help bin Laden any that his middle name is Hilari.”

Bitches, Hoes, and the Fur of Bitches

If you’re rocking Rocawear or you pride yourself on your Sean John threads; think again. Two of New York’s most prominent rappers turned entrepreneur’s have been accused by the American Humane Society of using dog fur and selling it as faux fur – as in fake fur – as in those people who bought Sean John & Rocawear thinking “oh well, this isn’t real, I can wear it.” Guess again!

Life Imitates Seinfeld

George-Costanza.JPGAs any Seinfeld fan will remember, the rotund, neurotic character George Costanza once quipped that if you give him an area of the city, he can tell you the nicest local public bathroom. Jerry tested him, and George came through with flying colors. Now, it seems that AM New York has taken the issue to heart, and created a guide to Manhattan bathrooms. Broken into four categories (Midtown, Downtown, Brooklyn, and “All Around Town”), the guide has listings for 16 porcelain palaces around town, telling you what makes them special, and where in the facility they are. It is definitely good to take a look, as you never know when you will need them.

On a personal note, I want to endorse a few of these listings. The Grand Central and Penn Station bathrooms are both very clean… Though both are designed for speed over comfort, how often are you at either of those places looking for added bathroom amenities? The bathroom at ESPNZone is an experience. With those urinal-mounted TVs, I have never wanted a pee to last longer!

Additional Reading: http://www.amny.com/nyc-bath0524,0,51008.story?coll=am-ent-headlines

Do you know of a particularly nice bathroom around town that AM NY missed?

[photo credit Wikipedia]

Best Bathrooms in the City

http://nyc.metblogs.com/archives/images/2006/11/17_restroom_lg-thumb.jpgI read this article about Chef Gordon Ramsay’s new restaurant and how the loo in the place was comparable in style to the kitchen. Apparently the dude who designed it, David Collins, is known for his nice bathrooms.

If you’ve seen any of my work, which most of you have not, I have a slight obsession with toilets in my films. I find them to be relaxing places where people can be themselves. I love shooting inside bathrooms too, they’re just so dynamic and people become completely free (at least I think so) inside of them.

But I started thinking of the best bathrooms I’ve been to in the city. By far the best bathroom I have been to was at the Plaza hotel. But then there’s Pukk on the L.E.S. which also has a nice bathroom.
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TicketBastard

tickets.jpgTicketmaster is pure evil. I recently bought tickets to see George Carlin in December. It is out on Long Island (North Fork Theater at Westbury), but it is worth the trip to see one of my favorite comedians ever. It was early in the morning and I don’t think I had the presence of mind to examine all of the Ts & Cs, or the charges associated with the purchase. Let me review them for you:

Ticket Cost ($56.50 per ticket, 2 tickets)= 113.00
Convenience Charge ($11.00 per ticket)= $22.00
Order Processing= $4.60
TOTAL COST = $140.50

So, I ended up paying $70.25/ticket. Now, I must clarify
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TrashBoy George

Boy George reported for trash duties this morning in Manhattan. What a great photo. What a great moment in NYC history.

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How To Be Seen in NYC

I have noticed a trend by hanging out in the East Village, SoHo, and West Village in the past few years that in order to be seen or recognized or get a mere chance of talking it up with a hottie down the street, you need to be well-equipped. If not, you are doomed to cold glances and upward noses. Fear not, I think I’ve got this shit locked down.

In order to be regarded or mistaken for a celebrity, people go through many different phases. Currently, it’s the phase, as I see it, of misfortune. Sure, you’re paying $2,000 for your studio apartment that forces you to invent different ways of storing your shoes and hats. Yeah, you may make upwards of a 6-figure-salary working for an investment bank, but that’s not going to get you anywhere. It’s your ability to look depressed, out-of-luck, and annoyed at the world that will get you recognized.
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I’m the Hag!

As part of Gay Pride Week, last night Caroline’s on Broadway hosted an almost all gay (except for, randomly, the SAHM at the beginning) line-up of new comics, including a friend of mine.

I’ll admit I didn’t stay for the whole show. With a start-time of 9:30 it was a late night for me so as soon as my friend was done, I got up to go. Right before I left, a group of guys rose to leave as well. I thought maybe they were friends of my friend, or had the same plan I did, or they just had to be somewhere. Then a woman’s voice called out from back:

“Leaving so soon? Don’t you want to see the rest of the show? What’s the matter? Can’t you handle it?”

Everyone froze. Keep in mind all this went down right after my friend’s act, which was the raunchiest so far. I won’t go into too much detail but let’s just say it referenced dildos, a boy toy named Tobey, and a camcorder. Maybe the woman was referring to the supposedly offended, suppsedly straight guys who had just left, but I was the one left with the aftermath.

Everyone stared at me as I slinked out of the room. I was mortified. You don’t understand! I wanted to shout. I’m not homophobic! I just took 5 pictures of my friend – I gave feedback on that dildo joke! I’M THE HAG!

I didn’t say anything. I just tried to leave as quickly as possible, only afterwards realizing in my haste that I had forgotten to pay my waitress. At first the host was going to make me go back into the room to do so, but I couldn’t do it. “I don’t want to interrupt the next performance,” I said. Thank goodness he was able to wave my waitress over.

Of course I shouldn’t care what people think. I was there to support my friend. But it was still pretty humiliating to be called out as an uptight homophobe – or at least to catch the tail end of such a call out – in a roomful of queers, smackdab in the middle of Pride Week.

Baby in the Corner: The Third Trimester

flyer_babyinthecorner.gif

No, it’s not an homage to Dirty Dancing, nor is it that Fallout Boy song (who knew?). It’s a benefit to raise money for art programs for the kiddies. Brought to you by The Imagine Project and Creative Collective, two groups dedicated to bringing the arts to the masses, namely the miniature masses, often awash in a TV/computer/Game Boy dominated world. And why “the third trimester”? Cuz it’s third and last in this benefit series. Plus it’s clever. (Baby, third trimester – get it?)

Remember my friend Yiannis? I wrote about his gig at Caroline’s back in March. Well, he’ll be up again tonight for Baby in the Corner. So yes this is shameless friend-promotion, but it’s all for a good cause.

Hit the jump for more details.
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