Many young new york girls get around the city for free. Any time they’re in a huge hurry, they find a guy who can share a cab with them to whatever destination need be. The guy pays. How? She did a job for him, if you know what I mean. Right there in the cab. It’s very common, particularly among young, attractive girls.

The girl was in shock. She didn’t get the apartment, but she did believe that to be true for a good six months. Lol.

Said Jeffrey Nussbaum, senior VP on-street marketing at JetBlue, “We’ve never received so many homeless people purchasing tickets for LAX before. Our marketing techniques are finally paying off.”

Some outsider speculation has uncovered that there might be another reason for bums to be heading to LAX besides free blue chips & complimentary beverages. Turns out that L.A. is allowing or rather like Amsterdam, not criminalizing sleeping on the streets.

One bum who simply is known as Camel Carl said, “Those blue chips & free seltzer water and personal TVs had sealed the deal for me a while back. Then I heard about the new L.A. law. I mean, if you’re going to fly for 6 hours you need to be entertained. But usually the flight is half the fun and when you arrive at your destination, you’re like, just not into it anymore. But with free lodging, who can complain?”

Camel Carl is taking an early 8 am flight tomorrow to LAX.

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It is nothing new to complain about the overkill of the chain store. The first blatant example of over-expansion that I can recall in my 25-year-old life was Benaton. As the small upscale clothing retailer went from a handful of corners with a store to a handful of corners without, society became aware of the problems that accompany these massive chains. Then there was WalMart and KMart. But, as time went by, we became somewhat desensitized to it, and our fears managed to be culled by the promise of low prices and good deals. Plus, here in Gotham, we were fairly insulated to the growth of the “chain” phenomenon because of the prevalence of the local store and neighborhood identity.

Up until about 8 months ago, I lived on 10th street and 3rd avenue in the East Village. It was a GREAT place to live. Really interesting people, somewhat fair prices (in NYC standards, at least), and most importantly, a comparably eclectic mix of local stores and restaurants. But, there was one blatant example of corporate over-expansion in the form of literally three Starbucks shops within a 100 yard walk of each other (Standalone shops on 3rd ave and 8th street and Lafayette and Astor, and one in the Barnes and Noble store on Astor between Lafayette and Broadway). Now, there are also two Cold Stone Creameries very close by each other. When you couple that with the obligatory McDonalds, Blimpie’s, Subway Sandwich Shop, KMart, and Ray’s Pizza, even those rare outposts of under-saturation seem to be dwindling. It really makes you fearful of what is next.

One thing that I have always detested is when I go to visit new places, and someone I am with insists on going to a mall. This to me is the ultimate in ignorance. Every mall has the same 10-12 stores, and the rest is just different variations of the same one (ie Baby Gap, Pottery Barn Kids, etc). What the hell do I need to go to a JCrew in Dallas for? Do they somehow have different things than the one in SoHo? Why not go to see a local landmark, piece of history, or museum? As time goes on and we begin to ponder the future and what is in store for our city, it makes me very worried that we will become a society of zombies, totally devoid of any individuality, with the same branded items in our homes and on our backs.

Am I being too cynical?

So when I saw a dude walking down the street not with a Ghetto blaster but what looked like a ghetto blaster’s gentrified, more tinsel sounding baby stereo, I couldn’t help but notice and laugh. I didn’t laugh out loud, I laughed on the inside and wondered if the white buds of today which are so hip and cool will be the laughing stock of tomorrow.

And even if the ghetto blaster was of an acceptable size, it was extremely cold out today to be carrying one around. It just goes to show you, not everyone is a part of the cool machine! I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but it’s definitely a New York City thing.

Enjoy you little freaks. Click here to See the other one

It’s like New Yorkers don’t like to cook anymore! I know I know, we just don’t have enough time. You like the way I put the afuera in the headline of this article. That’s because we’re multi-cultural and if the Subway PSAs are in both English & Spanish, so should be the NYC Metroblog.

Maybe there’s a conspiracy that’s started with the restaurant guide people fighting the grocers. More to come as it develops or disappears.

My life is now complete.

Photo Courtesy: smurfmatic

Like most improv, it was sometimes funny and sometimes not. Of course I should take into consideration that this was a performance by college kids, not a professional, edited episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway?

But I remember my own university improv group being hilarious – I actually laughed to the point of crying. And so did this audience of mostly college students.

I guess it’s true: I’m so beyond my college years now that I can’t even enjoy improv. That’d have to go for acapella too.