In the last 2 years, I’ve run into a neighbor of mine on more than one occasion. Yes, I know that’s normal, but I also know that it’s not normal to take someones friendly behavior as an invitation for flirting. Sometimes, nice is just nice. Some would call that being neighborly.

He’s invited me to his place for parties, but I’ve declined. Once, I did accept an invite for a drink, but as soon as I figured out that he was flirting, I made a point of stating that I wasn’t looking for any type of companionship of any kind. Seems that wasn’t enough to let him know that I wasn’t interested. One other time when I ran into him, I remember telling him that we shared a wall and that I wasn’t going there.

Time went by and I thought he got hint. Wrong! He came by the other day and he thought he was being charming, but he hasn’t been paying attention. I’m not stupid and I’m not like one of the other chickies in his life that are either insecure or looking for a quick fix. Why do I say that? Because he thinks I would fall for that. He actually believes that just because he says he’s making this fake resolution to spend more time with me in 2009 that he has charmed my pants off. Nice try. I’m just going to make a real counter resolution to steer clear of him in 2009.

Fact is, he’s not interested. You see, if he were (for all the right reasons), he’d handle things differently. I also know when someone is really interested in me and that’s not it. Calling your neighbor a “hottie” just to see if that’ll work on her when everything else has failed is creepy and stupid. Unfortunately for him, it doesn’t matter how he handled it. I’m not interested and that’s not something that anyone can change.

Oh, and for those hopeless romantics out there that think that we could suddenly fall head over heels for each other, I have this bit of advice for you… stop watching chick flicks. I have similar advice for those guys that think that your neighbor is suddenly going to want you… stop watching so much porn.

Because our neighbors are so close, you try to soften the blow a bit and not be as harsh as you might want to be. After all, you may need them for something neighborly one day. In the case of my situation, I figure that since he doesn’t seem to care that he’s making me uncomfortable and invading my space, I’ll have to make him uncomfortable and handle things in a not so neighborly way.

I’ll let you know when he moves out. :)

Look, if you really are interested in your neighbor for all the right reasons, be upfront and honest. Don’t play games and don’t get pissy if you find out they don’t share the same feelings. If you do, everyone will be uncomfortable and that’s no way to start the new year.

Sadly, they review these places so early on that it’s hard to get a feel of what the place is really like. For me, it’s more about the entire experience than the food alone. After my recent visit to Via dei Mille, I was not only disappointed in the sites that I so often count on, but the service at the restaurant as well.

I set up a dinner for a friends birthday and because she wanted to wear the Tadashi dress that she won at the silent auction when we attended the GMHC Fashion Forward Event (I got to play spokes model for Hanne Apparel that night), I thought we should go someplace a little dressy. That’s when I consulted New York Magazine, Thrillist and Rare Daily and found Via dei Mille.

Here’s where they went wrong… and right. I don’t want to be completely unfair.

First, it seemed like they weren’t ready for us. When I gave the party’s name, they checked the name off but looked around the restaurant to see where they should place us – and that’s when they pushed 3 tables for 2 together. A bit awkward for a party of 5.

Dinner was last Saturday and if you recall, it was cold and snowy. So when they seated us near the door, we kept feeling the chill. Plus, they were in the process setting up a larger table for a party so they kept coming in and out with chairs and a large piece of plywood to make a table larger. Probably something that could have been handled earlier in the night. We ended up asking to move before the rest of our party arrived. They resisted at first, but did move us slightly further in… tightly squeezed into a 4 seater.

The waiter was very accommodating – so he got lots of points.

The restaurant also got points for their delicious food. That was one thing that everyone agreed on. Even the dessert was great (Nutella crepes are always a wonderful way to end a meal). Oh, and the timing of the food was perfect. We weren’t rushed and it was a decent amount of time after the antipasti that the entrees were brought to us. And of course, they gave us plenty of time to make room for dessert.

They lost points for the loud music. I don’t understand why an Italian Restaurant where the chef credits his Grandmother for his creations would play club music so loud that I had to yell for everyone to hear me… and I’m loud. We asked more than 4 times for them to lower the music and our poor waiter finally just went behind the bar and lowered the volume himself. Bravo! I understand that the owners are from the nightclub scene, but this is a restaurant. No matter how loud you play your music, you are not going to steal customers from Cipriani.

Then the smoke started. They don’t allow smoking in the restaurant, but the guests (instead of going outside) smoked in the temporary entranceway that they put up for the winter, which let all the smoke in. Not so great when you’re trying to enjoy your meal.

The final straw was when we asked for our coats. They took our tickets and brought up every coat but mine. Which was fine if you overlooked it, but they looked at me as if I must be lying. “Yes, I MUST have left the house without a coat since it’s so balmy out!” I described the coat to the hostess and when she came back she stated without apology that it wasn’t there. I knew no one took it because I was one of the only people that didn’t show up in a full length fur, so I know my cute Miss Sixty Coat was not on the list of “must haves”. They did find it after the manager checked but still no apology. However, he made a point of telling me that I must have lost my ticket. Grrrr.

Will I go back? Do you need to even ask. They clearly don’t care about the service they provide. We were never rude or pushy or obnoxious – even though after a while, we could have been. I understand that every place has their ‘off’ nights, but when you take it out on me, I have issue.

Let’s see what my newsletters bring me next. I haven’t given up on them yet. After all, this is the first ‘not so great’ experience I’ve had by taking their advice.

What I have witnessed – actually, what I have experienced recently is some seriously bad behavior.
Let me start by noting that most of the worst territory marking comes from our guy friends who do NOT know how to share.

I have a few friends that have been around for quite some time. The amount of time ranges from 20 years to 3 years. They are all quite different and like most friends, we’ve had our share of ups and downs, but recently a few of them have done their share of peeing. Is it the weather, the holidays, what? Well, whatever it is, you guys need to knock it off.

Do NOT think that just because you’ve known someone for a long time, that you’re owed something. Like some form of physical payment, or some help cheating on your wife/girlfriend. It’s not happening and you should be THRILLED that she won’t help you. Besides, it’s not her job to give you some form of momentary happiness or to save you from the relationship you are currently in. That’s your mess, fix it.

Do NOT get pissed off when she won’t let you buy her something. It will not change her mind about you. Just be happy that she’s not taking advantage of you.

Do NOT throw her a bunch of compliments about how she looks. It’s annoying and it will probably make her feel as if you only think of her as an object. One well intended compliment will do wonders.

When she mentions that she’s with someone or is interested in someone, it’s best that you don’t act like a two year old who’s toy has been taken away from him. Stop your pouting. If you’re NOT in a relationship, don’t expect her to know that you’re interested. She does not have a crystal ball and this is not going to end like a movie. Stay AWAY from the chick-flicks. If you are in a relationship… shame on you.

When you’re drunk, don’t tell her that no one loves her like you do. It’s creepy and pathetic.

If you both happen to be invited to the same event, don’t throw out hints as if you’re going “together”. It’s not a date if you don’t ask.

If you did happen to attempt the dating thing at one point and it didn’t work out, it’s NOT ok to call her, text her, or email her telling her how great things were with her (even though you have a girlfriend now) because you think that’ll prevent her from dating someone else. It won’t.

Here’s the thing. If you like her for all the right reasons, suck it up, be a man and tell her… to her face. Regardless of what you think her answer is going to be.

If she wants to give it a whirl, great! Just remember that you still have to work at things and you can’t take her for granted. You’re supposed to be her friend and know and appreciate her better than a stranger would.

If she just doesn’t see you that way, then you should be relieved that you got it out of your system and things can go back to the way they were… and they will. Of course, if she’s a total bitch about it even though you were a complete gentleman, then get rid of her as a friend too. Look at it this way, you dodged a bullet.

After the game was over, we stopped by Stout for one last drink. That’s when Jay and his friend Kevin came by to chat us up.

Kevin was fine, but this is the Top 10 list of things that Jay did and what you guys should avoid:

1. Keep the comments about her legs to yourself. You JUST met her. Tone it down unless she’s flirting with you and purposely showing off her legs.
2. When you “think” you’ve said something clever, don’t hold up your hand to give her the fist bump. It’s just as bad as the high five and trust me… you’re not all that clever.
3. If she lives in NYC and has stated that she loves it there, don’t try to convince her that Hoboken is better. NOTHING you say will convince her.
4. Do NOT chew gum while you’re talking to her. There is no need for anyone to watch you chew when you’re not in the middle of a meal. Have a mint if your breath is stinky.
5. Don’t drink out of her glass of water. It’s gross.

6. When you realize that she’s not interested don’t get bitter and insulting. Just excuse yourself because your snide comments will not increase your chances.
7. Don’t act bitter when you notice that your friend Kevin is getting a better response from the ladies than you are. Take note: He’s not acting like a fool, he’s a LOT more interesting, he’s funny, and his dance moves to “Wonderwall” really are hysterical. (I’ve had that song stuck in my head all day)
8. If you’re Kevin, leave Jay at home.
9. When you notice that there are other guys at the bar that are checking out the ladies you’re talking to, don’t get all pissy and say that they’re gay.
10. Don’t touch her OR her friend because when she tells you that she’ll put her elbow through your teeth if you lay another hand on either one of them… she will.

Basically, when things aren’t going in the direction you want them to go, just excuse yourself and rethink your approach for the next time. They’ll be happy you did and in the end, you will too.

1. Don’t call her the same night at 11pm to see if she wants to get together – especially if you have a tone in your voice that sounds like you’re looking for some action.

2. When she doesn’t call you back, it’s because she didn’t appreciate your gesture so it’s best to just lose her number.

3. Don’t call her a month later (clearly drunk) at 5am and leave a message telling her that you just had a dream about her and describe the dream in detail. Remember, you had a 5 minute conversation in the street… A MONTH AGO! You’re strangers.

Idiot. No self respecting woman will think that ANY of that is cute and she won’t call you back and waste an ounce of her breath on you either.

Clearly, this guy doesn’t have a clue. However, if you do meet a random woman on the street and want to increase your chances of seeing her again, think about calling her the next day (don’t send her a text, it’s cowardly) tell her it was nice to meet her and ask her if she’d like to go out sometime.
Simple, but it works.

What I DON’T understand is what I witnessed this morning.

I stopped into The Green Bean on my way to work since I didn’t have time to make my own coffee this morning. (late night after seeing the Police at Jones Beach and an early morning meeting) There was only one woman in front of me and after she paid for her breakfast, she started heading towards the door to leave. I placed my order, paid for my coffee and as I went to grab a napkin and sugar on my way out, I noticed that the woman was standing at the high table near the door that has a mirror above it. Before I go on, let me just point out that the Green Bean is TINY. (check out the picture)

Anyway, she had her purse opened up with her make-up bag out on the table and was applying her full face. Come ON lady. Lipstick is one thing, but this went way beyond that. Isn’t there a bathroom where you’re heading to next – and even if there isn’t, don’t you know that it’s not proper etiquette to apply your make-up in public ESPECIALLY where people are trying to eat?? Clearly, the answer to that question is a big fat NO. She didn’t even pause when I gave her my shocked/grossed out look (one other woman that was in there shot her a look too).

I didn’t stick around long enough to see if she was going to pull a hairbrush out of her purse and I didn’t say anything to her either. What’s the point – no sense in ruining my morning cup of coffee on someone I’ll hopefully never see again.

There are times when I wish I was one of those people that could relinquish control of doing my own laundry and stopped caring about whether or not they use Downy and if they fold my underwear.

Over the last 3 weeks, there are 2 guys that have been coming in and just hang out for hours. I’m not even sure if they’re doing laundry or just chatting up all the women that walk in. 3 weeks ago I noticed them but I had my headphones so they didn’t say anything to me (unless I just didn’t hear them), but 2 weeks ago they totally creeped me out.

I stopped in to move my laundry from the washer to the dryer and when I walked in, Creep #1 says – ‘Hey there sunshine’. I ignored him and I’m sure I shot him one of my death looks. My clothes weren’t done, so I had to sit there and wait while Creep #1 kept talking to me (even though I wasn’t looking at him). Finally, he said ‘MISS’ really loud and when I looked over at him, he just started going on and on about how pretty my feet were. Yuk. I nodded and luckily, my clothes were ready to be put into the dryer. That’s when Creep #2 came in to join #1 and they both watched me move my clothes from the washer to the dryer.

My first instinct was to verbally attack them, but then I thought about my clothes that were going to be drying for the next hour. I didn’t want to stay and be harassed and I didn’t want to leave my clothes alone so I asked the guy that works at the laundromat to keep an eye on my stuff and headed home. One hour of partial peace.

When I got back to fold, they both asked if I was married and I quickly responded by saying yes… for 5 years now. With that, they backed off.

So, I thought that if they responded to that, I should probably bring a guy with me the next time I did laundry just to solidify my response. Last Monday, the biggest guy friend that I have joined me and pretended to be my hubby. He’s over 6 feet, has a 20 inch neck and wears a 3x – all muscle.

As you might have guessed, Creep #1 and #2 weren’t so chatty and they didn’t even BOTHER coming in. They just stayed outside while we were there.

A few friends that I’ve told this story to told me to change laundromats, but I’m not about to do that. Why should I have to leave?? I was there first and I’m certainly not about to let 2 idiots scare me out of my local place. They’re probably harmless, but I shouldn’t have to deal with that when I’m doing laundry and nor should anyone else.

Let’s see how things go tonight.
Anyone else have a similar problem? I’ll rent my friend out to you. :)

During my last family visit to Long Island, I stopped by my brother’s job to meet him for lunch. After my quick stop into the ladies room to primp, this guy walked out of the men’s room at the same time and smiled at me. Turns out, it was Little Dougie from the 5th Grade. Well, not so little anymore. I’m not sure what came over me but I ran over to him, gave him this huge hug and after some small talk, I told him to give me a call the next time he was coming into the city so that we could catch up. Thinking back, I find it amusing that I didn’t even consider telling him that this city girl would meet up on the Island for a drink. God FORBID!

Since that time, we’ve exchanged a few calls and made plans to meet up for a drink in the city. That’s when my male friends all chimed in to say that no guy is going to travel to NYC on weeknight from Long Island if he isn’t interested. Really??? As flattering as that might be, I’d actually like to think that some people ARE that adventurous and DO want to spend a night out in the city just because they can. Hmm. Now that I write that, it does seem a bit far-fetched. Thing is, I hadn’t really put much thought into Little Dougie as anything other than a fun blast from the past. Not for any particular reason, but the city girl / county boy thing certainly comes to mind and we have that geographically undesirable thing going on because he REALLY lives way out there. That didn’t stop me from flirting a little since he’s quite the cutie… but in my mind, it was entirely harmless because I’ll admit that I have a terrible habit of flirting for the sport of it.

All that aside, I look at it this way – any guy that’s going to travel THAT far during the week for a drink is worth learning more about.

He came in last night. Train arrived at 8:00pm and we settled in at Stout on 33rd Street since he had to take a 10:30pm train back. Not a lot of time, but enough to stroll down memory lane, catch up on the turns our lives have taken, and find out what Little Dougie had in mind. The boys were right. I wasn’t sure at first, since you can’t really tell if they’re flirting for the sport of it too, so when it got closer to 10pm, I had to ask. :) Guys get so flustered when I do that. I know, it’s a little mean but I figure it’s always better to know than to wonder – for both parties. Of course, the problem with asking that question is figuring out what YOU have in mind. After all, fair is fair.

Without going into the details, if Little Dougie (yes, I know I’ll have to stop calling him that at some point) asks me to hang out again, I’m saying yes. I can’t imagine being one of those women who completely avoids a potentially good catch just because he doesn’t live in NYC. However, there isn’t anything appealing about the LIRR. I guess some exploration is in order.

Thank you!

~~~~~~

For those of you that will be around the city for the rest of the weekend, I need your help.

A dear friend called this morning telling me that her Father – who has severe Alzheimer’s – went missing. He’s not carrying any money or any form of identification. I am including all the details – including what to do if you see him. I am heading out of town for the next few days and won’t have access to email so PLEASE contact the family if you have any info that will help.

Thank you!!!!

Enrique Picart (goes by Kique, Rick and Enrique) missing since 9:30AM Saturday June 14, 2008. He has Severe Alzheimer’s Disease and has not taken his medication since Friday night. Last seen on 5th Ave and 72nd street walking south. He’s wearing a Kelly Green polo shirt (almost black) with grey slacks and brown loafers, no socks. Stands at 5′11′, 150 lbs. Has a black mole on his right cheek. General says ‘Palay vous Francais?’ and ‘I’m in the army, from the army.’ PLEASE contact Vivian Picart 212-534-5529 or the 25th Police Precinct 212-860-6511. Thank you.

Anyway, it was Con Ed calling to tell me about their concerns about a shortage specifically in the Yorkville ‘hood and that I should turn off any unnecessary appliances. OK. I can do one better than that, I’ll grab a friend in the ‘hood and hit the Heidelberg for a beer.

Even though it wasn’t the coldest place – they must have gotten the call too – the beer was ice cold, it wasn’t crowded and the scenery was just perfect. I joke about the Upper East Side a lot but if you look around, we’ve got some good looking men walking around these parts!

Did anyone else get the call – or are you home with the AC blasting? That’s ok, my friend and I took one (two) for the team.