So. Forbes ranked us the fourth most miserable city in the U.S. And while misery would seem a difficult thing to measure, their methodology takes into account unemployment, taxes (cost of living), commute times, weather, crime, and yes, the presence of toxic waste sites. Weird. That’s one thing I definitely don’t think of in terms of contributing to my daily misery. Though the general filth does sometimes get to me.

So yeah, my initial reaction to this report was something along the lines of “Damn straight! This place is pretty fucking miserable!”

But then, such wholehearted agreement immediately lends itself to the question, “Well ok, but if it’s so fucking miserable, what am I doing here? And why have I been here so long?”

And we all know the myriad answers to that question, since we’re all her for so many of the same reasons…

But the fact remains, life here can really wear you down. And if I’m saying that–single middle-class white guy who’s reasonably comfortable in the grand scheme of things–my god, I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be here and be poor, unemployed, sick, homeless, living in sub-standard living conditions, etc. etc.

So yeah, I’m sometimes miserable here, as are most of the people I know. But we’re also not miserable at all. And even somewhat happy to be here some of the time. Turns out misery, like happiness, is pretty damn complex.

But hey, I’m totally fine with the rest of the country perceiving us as miserable. Stay away, people! It’s fucking miserable here! All misery, all the time!

How would you rate your own personal level of NYC-inspired misery?

[image (c) Shutterstock, from the Forbes website.]

For all you perverts out there, this Saturday marks that great annual NYC event where you can get on the subway, take off your pants, and not be considered a pervert. That’s right, it’s Improv Everywhere’s No Pants 2k8, during which you get the chance to elevate your everyday exhibitionist tendencies to an artistic level.

Me, I might take part this year just to see what it feels like to actually wear underwear for once.

Ok, so maybe I’ve just been a little lazy. And also sick. And out of town for the holidays.

But here I am, fresh-faced (except for that brow) and ready for another year in the big apple. Happy 2008 NYC! Anyone else make any bizarre resolutions, involving facial hair or otherwise?

Last night I went to this Tim Burton talk/event put on by the Film Society of Lincoln Center. I’m a huge fan of Tim Burton’s films, and was psyched to see him in person and hear him talk about his career thus far. And while it was fun to see the retrospective they put together, and he did make some funny comments during his on-stage interview, the real highlight of the night (by far) was the thrilling preview of his upcoming film version of Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd.

While I’m sure I would have gone to see it anyway, now I can officially say I can’t wait to see this movie when it comes out! They showed three full scenes from the still unfinished film, and in my opinion, they were pretty damn spectacular. Who better to handle such dark, gothic subject matter? And truly, from what I saw, the singing–while not Broadway style (thank God)–works amazingly well. Is there anything Johnny Depp can’t do?

[image from Sweeney Todd by Leah Gallo, from the Film Society's website]

So, apparently two New Jersey girls tried to rappell down the side of their apartment building using torn bed sheets as ropes, and lo and behold, they got hurt in the process. (Go ahead and laugh–I did.)

That’s about the gist of the story right there, but what’s really fun is how the comments at NJ.com have devolved into a pissing match about parenting, family values, and the bible. Seriously.

There’s lots of stone throwing going on, and man is it fun for us sinners to read. Excuse me while I go get drunk, beat and molest my children, and push them out the window tied up in their bed sheets…

[image from here]

Holy crap, is it that time of year already???

According to NY1, Macy’s tested out three new balloons for their Thanksgiving Day Parade this weekend: Shrek, Abby Cadabby (huh?), and Hello Kitty.

I’ve often wondered how they choose which characters get chosen for balloon immortality… And I have to say, this sometimes jaded New Yorker has always had a bit of a soft spot for the Thanksgiving Day Parade. If you’re in town, live or are staying on the Upper West Side, and the weather’s good (this is key), there’s really nothing else like it.

And don’t forget, you can head up to the Museum of Natural History on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving and watch them blow up all the balloons. It’s pretty fun and festive, though probably even more crowded than the parade itself!

[image from here]

What better way to wile away the few remaining hours until nightfall than with this video (via BoingBoing) of zombies doing yoga in a park in Brooklyn.

Not sure where it took place, but odds are you had to take the L train to get there!

Just kidding… Trick or treat!

A million trees planted in NYC over the next decade… Sounds pretty good, right? And pretty impossible?

Well, that’s the goal of the aptly named MillionTreesNYC project. And if you read through their website, it seems like they’ve got a pretty sound plan in place to make it happen.

There are also ways of getting involved, if you feel so inclined–including a form where you can suggest a location for a tree to be planted. And hey, if you have the means, go out and plant a tree of your own, and then let them know!

Chocolate Jesus is back! I’m psyched, since I didn’t get to see him in all his chocolatey glory when he hung in the window of the Lab Gallery last spring. He’s returning as part of a show at the Proposition Gallery in Chelsea, which will also feature chocolate sculptures of Catholic saints.

I see nothing offensive or controversial about this, and can’t, for the life of me, understand the uproar. Chocolate is simply being used as a sculpting medium, much like stone or marble. Big deal. I mean, don’t Catholics believe that Jesus is made out of bread or something? Chocolate is way more appealing than bread. Christ.

All I know is, our chocolate messiah better be well protected, or else I may not be able to control myself from taking a big old bite of that big old “body of Christ.”

Amen.

[image: "My Sweet Lord," by Cosimo Cavallaro, from here.]

Anyone seen any of these little “urban nuisance” scooters zipping around town yet? I haven’t, though I always like hearing of initiatives like this, designed to address some of the little quality of life issues we New Yorkers face on a daily basis. It can become disheartening and quickly depressing when we start to feel that the bulk of the city’s resources are being directed toward tourists and the rich…

Of course, the article details how the operators of the carts will be “logging” problems they come across, but makes no mention of if or when said problems might actually be addressed…