Subway Letters - Episode One
Some letters to my subway friends. You know who you is.
Dear sir,
I am ever so sorry I got in your way on a crowded train. I realize that no one’s journey is as important as yours; yours is a life of importance while the rest of us on the train were merely extras in the Michael Bay film of your life.
Given this knowledge, I attempted to accommodate you. I took my backpack off and sat it on my feet so there would be extra space for you to keep your massive hiker’s pack on.
‘Twas the least I could do. And when you fell into me for the eight hundredth time and I elbowed you? That was completely accidental. I had no idea that reading the Wall Street Journal on the train using both hands instead of gripping a pole for balance was your God-given right. You are correct; my presence on the train was entirely to support you by being a pinball bumper. When I kicked you on my way out? Completely accidental. And the Voodoo hex I put on your sex life last night? Total joke.
Dear madam,
I realize some seats are clearly reserved…but why, oh why, when an entire row of seats is empty, do you feel the need to sit in the seat adjacent to me? I realize I might possibly be THE sex symbol of the millenium after Colin Farrell, but show some propriety! When next you see an entire row of empty seats on a subway, why not choose one of them? it’s not that I don’t appreciate your elbow or the delicious aroma of whatever it you cooked last night and, apparently, in which you subsequently bathed, it’s…just…well, people will talk.
[photo from MIT.EDU. *I realize it’s a photo of Japan. Having lived there, I can tell you it is almost always that bad and does make New York crowds look positively pedestrian by comparison]
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ROFLMAO. That was hilarious!
Thanks, Laiya. Who knows? I suspect this is going to become a regular series of mine - and perhaps I’ll persuade a few of my co-bloggers to join in on it.
A NYC Metroblog entry complaining about the subway? Wow, how original! I don’t think I’ve ever read anything like it on Metroblog before.
Can’t wait for your “co-bloggers to join in”.
Oh my god! Look at that. A somewhat anonymous commenter, prying their cheetos-crusted fingers away from their nether regions long enough to type something snarky! That’s new and original, too!
great idea, eric! the subway has endless fodder for rants and raves.
for real re: the snarky comment.
haha, funny rant posts=good
serious rant posts=meh
You should challenge Noah to a rantoff.