Yesterday I was on a flight out of JFK heading to Syracuse. All was well, I thought, as we boarded and taxied down the runway without incident. But upon takeoff, I smelled something funny, and looked up to see swirls of smoke beginning to fill the cabin. I didn’t freak out too much - I’ve flown probably half a million miles in the past 4 years so I’ve seen a lot of crazy shit - but a number of the passengers were alarmed. The captain turned the plane around and we landed back at JFK about 10 minutes after we took off. Shortest flight ever!

This news report says the plane was turned around due to an “unusual smell”, but believe me, folks, there was visible smoke all through the cabin. It wasn’t so bad that they had to deploy the oxygen masks, but it was visible. And smellable.

Apparently this is the second incident in a week of one of JetBlue’s Embraer jets returning to JFK due to smoke in the cabin or cockpit. I hope they figure out what’s causing it, because I sure as hell don’t want to fly in a smoking plane!

So this whole wedding thing is kind of funny. I’ve got most of my planning done and now we have to focus on a few little things like finishing our vows (we’re writing them ourselves) and putting together little gift bags for our out-of-town guests. One thing I have left to do is to find a tailor to take my dress in a little. It’s a bit big all around, and just needs simple tailoring along the seams - but I don’t have the faintest idea who to take it to. I don’t have a tailor here that I go to and neither do any of my friends, and I don’t want to take it to a bridal shop because a) it’s not a traditional wedding dress, but an evening gown, b) bridal shops are kinda awful and c) they charge a lot and take way too long, and I need this done in less than 3 weeks.

I found a list of the best neighborhood tailors on the NY Magazine site, and I’m thinking of going to the one closest to me - but what I really want is personal recommendations. That’s where you, our fine readers, come in!

So, if you have a tailor that you like, or you or your friends have used a good one in the city, please recommend them in the comments. I’d prefer one on the east side of Manhattan below 42nd Street, but anywhere that’s easy to get to by subway is fine. So recommend away!

As a former student at Bronx Science, I feel that it’s important we all note what students at the school today are facing. It seems that a strict ruler has taken throne at the historic school. Among alumni of the high school are Jon Favreau of Swingers & upcoming Iron Man fame, rocket scientists, 5 Nobel Peace Prize laureates and of course yours truly.

To see the oppression taking place makes me sad. When I attended the high school there was an extremely inclusive principal who not only gave us monthly chances to “have lunch with the principal,” but was generally affable in the halls and such. I’ll never forget you Mr. (Stanley) Blumenthal.

Now this being a video made by the New York Post, I’m not sure about the fairness in reporting. It’s pretty much event coverage without much depth, but it’s funny to see that kids in high school still look like I remember them.

We are all laughing at two 60-somethings whose roommate, also in his 60s died, leaving behind his $350 social security check. It’s not funny that the man died [of natural causes, by the way]. The comedy is what happened next. The two living wheeled the dead man in a wheeled office chair down Ninth Avenue in Hell’s Kitchen, to their neighborhood check-cashing outlet, with the intention of cashing the dead man’s check.

But they weren’t too swift, and did two stupid things. First dumb-ass move was the chair. I would have borrowed a wheelchair and wrapped him in blankets. But, if that wasn’t idiotic enough, they left the corpse in the office chair outside on the street. Several passers-by noticed that the man wasn’t looking too good, and called 911. The two geniuses who devised this plot were hauled off to the slammer, charged with check forgery. Evidently there is no law on the books against wheeling a dead person down the street. Incidentally, No one on the street was too shocked, just disgusted.

Photo from Wikipages.com

For the first time, I went to the New York City Gay Men’s Chorus Holiday Concert at Carnegie Hall. My friend recently joined the group and I happily agreed to come see him in the show. I had a fabulous time!

The show started off with the song, “Sound Sound Your Instruments of Joy”, beautifully sung. They then launched into “Hooray for Holidays” sung to the tune of “Hooray for Hollywood”, which was very cute and funny. Broadway actress Kelli O’Hara joined the men to sing several songs. Beautiful in her looks and her voice, she would have been hard to fault, had she not messed up the lyrics to “Let it Snow”! The first act ended with Santa and Mrs. Claus dancing with elves to “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”.
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There is no greater comfort afforded to the straphanger than the stranger who lets you sleep on their shoulders. Not figuratively people, literally.

This morning I fell asleep on the train and my head was hanging loose and floating whichever way as if I was riding the space shuttle into zero-gravity. The people seated besides me both moved away quite a bit and I realized that people were staring at me funny. I knew I was guilty. I knew I had become *that* guy.
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Last night I went to this Tim Burton talk/event put on by the Film Society of Lincoln Center. I’m a huge fan of Tim Burton’s films, and was psyched to see him in person and hear him talk about his career thus far. And while it was fun to see the retrospective they put together, and he did make some funny comments during his on-stage interview, the real highlight of the night (by far) was the thrilling preview of his upcoming film version of Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd.

While I’m sure I would have gone to see it anyway, now I can officially say I can’t wait to see this movie when it comes out! They showed three full scenes from the still unfinished film, and in my opinion, they were pretty damn spectacular. Who better to handle such dark, gothic subject matter? And truly, from what I saw, the singing–while not Broadway style (thank God)–works amazingly well. Is there anything Johnny Depp can’t do?

[image from Sweeney Todd by Leah Gallo, from the Film Society's website]

Seems like a silly statement, but while at the Opening of Modified Eros: a photographic celebration of body modification at Arena Studios, I noticed that this one woman seemed to take an interest in something about me. I noticed her, but there was too much to see for me to focus on any one person.

Finally, she approached me and said - “Did you notice that we’re the only full sized people here?”. Hm. I looked around and started to laugh. At first, I thought she meant Full Figured and I almost took offense until I realized that we were probably the tallest people in the place. To be fair, I told her I was cheating with my 4 inch heels and I guess I should mention that she may have either been a Transvestite or Transsexual - so she was cheating too.

She then continued by saying… “do you think it’s the lifestyle?”
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Since the 4,5,6 stopped got all screwed up during rush hour, I was forced to take a $25 cab ride from the UES to the Zipper Factory in Midtown to see Margaret Cho’s variety show, The Sensuous Woman. Which by the way, was FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! I will now fondly refer to myself as Queer because I too want boys and girls to LOVE me. Why the hell not!

Anyway…………… back to my cab story.

Like I said, the 4,5,6 were having issues so I hopped in a cab. There was actually a point in the VERY slow moving ride where I thought I should put my seatbelt on. This guy was so bangry (bitter and angry) that he kept pounding his fists on the steering wheel, bitched about how the traffic was screwing him over (only 3 fares in 2 hours) and was driving WAY too close to the cars ahead of us. Then all of a sudden - “BAM!!!” - he smacked into the cab in front of us.

I really didn’t know exactly what happened until he turned around and started to laugh while he told me that he fell asleep. Yeah, that’s HYSTERICAL.
Not really knowing what to say, I asked him if he wanted me to take over.
Funny how he didn’t find that amusing. I did!

You know things have gotten bad when your driver readily admits that he fell asleep behind the wheel!
Something to be proud of. Idiot.

Love this photo gallery on the NY Post’s website of that dude who ran around Times Square naked last week–almost as much for the stupid captions as for the funny photos. Apparently he was having some kind of breakdown or panic attack or something… But hey, he wasn’t hurting anyone. And the cops seemed to get a kick out of it!

Once, during one of our last blizzards, I witnessed a man run naked up snow-covered Columbus Avenue and throw himself into a snow bank–but that pales in comparison to this guy’s shenanigans!

Anyone else have any fun NYC nudity stories?