Dear Pervs: Why, why, why?
The day after our mishap with the nice pervert on St. Mark’s Place, my friend Mari told me that a few blocks after we said good-bye at the corner of Broadway and Astor Place, a car pulled up next to her at the intersection of 10th and Broadway. Some guy leaned out the window and started yelling something at her. It was even more obscene than what St. Mark’s perv had yelled. This string of slurs involved the threat of actual penetration. It was horrible. She flipped him off, and he stopped and disappeared back into the car. Mari postulated that it was because he’d either gotten tired of yelling at her or his friends had pulled him back in.
I certainly hope it was the latter. It’d show that even though there are lots of stupid, nasty, crude men who think nothing of harrassing random women*, that at least they are surrounded by a buffer of friends and family who know just what assholes they are.
I know these things happen in New York City, and every other large city, but I still don’t get it. Why do people do this? Why do they need to get their thrills by sexually harrassing strangers? What kind of joy could they possibly derive from it? I’m being serious here. Does anybody know of any psychological studies or anything? I remember a woman shot a documentary once, where she filmed herself stopping guys who’d heckled her and asked them why they did it. Has anybody else heard of that film?
*Though it’s not just women who get harrassed. Some old man once grabbed my boyfriend’ crotch in Morningside Heights. If there was ever a moment that called for a “what the fuck!?,” that was it.
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I’m really sorry to hear that you and your friend were harassed.
I don’t get it at all — the lack of respect. I have watched friends engage in this behavior, and one time, I was in the car with a certain celebrity’s driver, and this driver harassed this girl (as he often would). And, I watched him, the look on his face…he looked like an animal.
Maybe some guys feel compelled to act like that, but I know my mama didn’t raise me that way. She was a tough broad that woulda clocked my ass had I ever displayed behavior like you described.
I guess my point is that I’m a guy and I don’t understand either.
Hey Art,
Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it. Yeah, I know not all guys are like this. I bet the fraction of men (and women) who do this sort of thing is very tiny… but I still don’t get it. I know I shouldn’t take this kind of stuff personally, but it still makes me feel completely filthy and violated.
Maybe next time one of your friends does this, you can ask him why. I know I’m going to try to start asking more harrassers that question just to see if I can get a response… or at least make them stop and think about what shitheads they’re being.
Catherine
Catherine, thanks for posting about the St. Marks guy and this, my girlfriend has been harassed on a few occasions since we moved here, mostly when she’s alone, but even when she’s with another girl - and it helps to know that she’s not alone.
Bill
hey catherine, i think the film is War Zone by Maggie Hadleigh-West. i’ll post the link i found on your personal blog; comments with links here seem to get delayed in being posted.
yup it is war zone and it’s going to be shown very soon. here is some info. i’ll put a post up about it too.
Tuesday, February 21, 6:30pm - 9:00pm
New Lantern Events Location:
Whirlwind Creative Gallery
330 W 38th Street
Between 8th and 9th Ave.
Suite 511
New York, NY
Lantern teams up with Whirlwind Creative gallery and Holla Back NYC to bring you a free screening and discussion of War Zone.
Hey guys,
Thanks for the comments and the documentary info.
I think the thing I always try to keep in mind is that harrassers don’t mean it personally, in that they’d target pretty much anybody to get their nasty little fix. But, yeah, it definitely does help to know that I’m not the only one, either.
Catherine