SUBWAY FOLK: Put The Candy Away, Sir
Do not eat on the subway.
You’d think I wouldn’t need to tell anyone that, but the photo on the left clearly shows someone who missed the memo (well, not clearly — that’s licorice he’s holding). ‘Cause, I mean, seriously though? I’ve even peed on the subway.
Everyday, I see people mash their crotches against support poles and spit all over the place inside of cars. I’ve even seen people bleed on the train, and I’ve even seen a man suffer through the embarrassment of uncontrollably defecating on the train. The germs on the subways could easily give any chemist an orgasm. And, I bet there are statistics out there that extensively cover what one can find smeared all over the inside of a subway car, but I’m too lazy to look them up. So, use your imagination.
Point is, if scientists have discovered that traces of feces and semen exist on the doorknobs of entrances at a variety of public places, common sense should tell you that swamp syphilis probably rides the A train to work every morning.
I’m not a germaphobe, but subway cars are cleaned, like, what… never? So, don’t, don’t, DON’T eat on the train. You’ll thank me in the end, you will.
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HAHAHA, the best part of this was the “swamp syphilis,” no doubt. Hysterical. :)
I got swamp syphilis from an alligator’s cloaca once.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG story.
Wait, you peed on the subway…wtf? Damn it must be nice to be male sometimes. But ew.
Yeah, I peed. I was drunk and REALLY had to go. It happens. My friends have done the same thing, even the female ones.
That’s the foulest thing I’ve ever read. Like whoa!
Swamp syphillus. Cloacas. Foulness….
Feel free to nominate me for the Pulitzer.
Swamp syphillus. Cloacas. Oh My.
I don’t know what’s more vile, eating on the subway or that!
If you want to see a schmorgesborg in action, hit the F train after a Cyclones summer game and seriously almost everyone is eating a Nathan’s and cheese fries. Not only does it reek out the train, do they not realize cleaning consists only of sweeping up the left over trash on the floor?
Ick.
Just to clear the air: I’ve never actually had swamp syphilis. It was a joke. But, after receiving e-mails from concerned friends, family, and even strangers, I thought I’d salvage what’s left of my dwindling reputation.
Back in about 1984 or so, I was walking throught he Downtown A, smoking a joint when suddenly my shoes were stciking to the floor. I was walking in deep coagulatiing blood.
Dude, that’s crazy!
This one time, I was on the train, and I went to sit down, and this dude next to me pointed to the guy on my other side and whispered, “Hey, he’s bleeding.” And, I looked over and this dude was all fucked up. I shot up out of my sit and felt pretty bad about it. But, still.
The bleeding guy was this little Asian man who looked like he had been mugged. It was kind of sad.