It’s a shame that speaking to other people on the subway is so uncouth. Because then, like, I could tell people to, I don’t know… get their asses out of my fucking face.

The scene? The first car of the 4 train at about 5:30 p.m. The train is pulling out of the 59th St. station and is going hella slow (yeah, “hella”; get over it), and so I decide to pull out the contact sheets for some bad photos I took to see if there were any shots worth printing. I figured it would pass the time for what would end up being a very slow ride. Hella slow, even.

I take out my loupe and do my thing, but after a few minutes, I decide to look up and see who’s staring at me. I thought someone MUST be staring at me. I wasn’t asleep, didn’t have a book in my hand, and surely wasn’t gossiping to my girl about how far removed from the block J-Lo is, despite her claims. Nope. I was doing something weird, something different. I was lookin’ through a LOUPE.

Much to my chagrin, all I saw was ass.

See, it’s been relatively warm in the city. Spring has actually arrived. Today, it was more than 70 degrees, which, incredible. But, this means people have permission to wear light, loose clothing. To be specific, guys, including me, have begun wearing baggy cargo shorts again. And, I was seated in front of someone who thinks the waist begins at the knees.

I can’t hate too much. I sag too. But, I am very sure to keep the entirety of my butt cheeks covered. This dude, on the other hand, was being very Tara Reid about the situation and totally showin’ everyone that 2(x)ist underwear are definitely here to stay. And did I mention it was warm? Do you know what people do when it’s warm? Do you know the extent of what sweat-soaked underwear can reveal? I certainly do.

I’m just glad I wasn’t still lookin’ through my loupe.

Related posts:

1. SUBWAY FOLK: Train Reade
2. SUBWAY FOLK: The Amazing Subway-Man
3. SUBWAY FOLK: Creatures of the Underground
4. SUBWAY FOLK: Monthly Recap
5. SUBWAY FOLK: Put The Candy Away, Sir