Poodles, wiener dogs, hairy little muskrat lookin’ things! I love me some dog walking hour in my neighborhood. Between 6 and 7pm when everyone is getting home from work they are out in full force. Later, around 10:30 through midnight there are sleepy eyed dog owners in sweatpants stumbling about.

The only problem with all of this is that I have a super power. A special ability that I did not ask for. Since moving to NYC I have been blessed with something so profound, so unexplainable, that I wonder if anyone else might share in my loathing…err serendipitous sixth sense!

When I look at dogs I see them for who they really are. Every time I look in the direction of a cute little mongrel I see them poop. That’s right, I have the uncanny ability to look at dogs right as they are squeezing out a fat loaf. Not only do I get the bonus of just watching them squat, but I get the most heavenly angle of something a few inches long dangling between their little haunches. I explain it in such explicit detail because I want to share this ability I have, this super power. I wish that one day everyone will have the sense to look at cute little mutts with the most picturesque view of them dropping a fat, stinky, sploochy…

oh you get the idea.