Notes from a sober early morning walk

I had to work very late Friday night. Because of that, I did something I have not done in a very, very long time. I walked home at 2am…completely sober. This soberness allowed me to notice things that I normally wouldn’t notice if alcohol were involved.

First off, drunk people are annoying when you’re not drunk with them. For no reason they want to hug you and ask you if you know where that bar with the long counter and the really hot bartender is.

Second, people on cell phones are louder and less inhibited about the conversations they are broadcasting to everyone within ear shot. The following snippets were heard on the walk home:

  • “Dan? Yeah he’s hot but he’s got a small penis, so he’s worthless.”
  • “I’m staying out with my buddies tonight and that’s that! In fact, I think we’ll go to a sleazy strip club! Why can’t you just let me be?”
  • “Did you make out with him? Did he touch your boob? Was it good?”

…and perhaps the most disturbing overheard conversation…

  • “I buried it in the backyard where she’ll never find it.”

Third, a lot of business shut off their lights when they close, but don’t shut off anything else. Two health clubs on the walk home had all their lights off, but all their treadmills, stairclimbers, TVs, etc. on. I guess they’ve done their homework and figured out it’s more of a power draw to turn all of them on every morning than it is to just leave them on all night. At least I hope they’ve done their homework.

Fourth, there should be a new rule for people who live on the first or second floor of a building and have large windows. If you’re going to watch porn on a big screen TV, please, close your blinds.

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