Yesterday I had to be at Coney Island at 7:30 a.m. Since I live in Harlem that meant being on a subway train at 6 a.m. (It’s a job thing… don’t ask…) The trains were pretty empty at that time, naturally, but I experienced a problem that I have never hit on before.

There were 5 train passengers besides myself, and one of my fellow train passengers was asleep, which was not really out of place at that time of day. The thing was… he snored. LOUDLY. This guy was a get-a-divorce level snorer. An Olympic-event-winning snorer. Unfortunately I was on an express and couldn’t escape it, (thanks MTA). The rest of us all migrated to one end of the car to try and escape the noise as best we could when the situation got worse. Turns out that this guy had sleep apnea on top of everything.

If you’ve never experienced someone with sleep apnea, let me tell you, it is horrifying to watch. In between snores the person literally STOPS BREATHING. What follows is a series of jerky head and chest movements and guttural drowning noises as the person’s body struggles to get a breath. As an awake person all your attention gets drawn to the struggles of the sleeper and your internal monologue starts chanting along the lines of “breathe. Breath. Breath! BREATH!” until they take that halting gurgly sounding breath and they breathe again for a few minutes. Or… most likely snore again. Like I say, horrible to watch.

The five of us who were awake were all rattled by the struggles of the sleeping man, and unnerved by his condition. One woman kept looking around at the rest of us and asking, “Should we do something? Should we wake him? He isn’t breathing! How long has it been since he breathed?!” Between his problem and the lady’s panic over it, we all got really caught up in the situation and instantly bonded over it.

Subway bonding is a weird thing. Some small group of passengers who have been thrust into the same fox-hole situation become fast friends over what they are being subjected too… be it music, an argument, a smelly passenger, or, as we discovered, simply someone asleep. I’m sure you’ve all experienced it. It usually doesn’t last beyond a few moments and it fades even faster when the problem is removed.

In the end all five of us changed cars at the next stop. The lady who was most disturbed by the situation even stopped to prevent two new passengers from entering the car with the sleeping man and spent the next few minutes explaining to them why she brought them to a different car. Two other men continued chatting for several more stops and seemed to be on the way to becoming fast friends. Even away from the snoring man our little group stayed bonded for a while yet. Funny how such an event can bring strangers together. Mutual suffering makes for good friends I guess?