Roommate effin’ needed, dammit.
Let’s be honest: no one really wants a roommate.
Yeah yeah, I know there are people out there who are all, “Nooooo, I really don’t want to live by myself. I’d be loooooonelyyyyyy…” But basically those people are freaks and spazzes, and we won’t concern ourselves with them here.
As I said, no one really wants a roommate. But unfortunately, in NYC, most people need to have them. And though most of us do put our best foot forward and try to make the best of living like college students well into our thirties, this fun McSweeney’s piece gets to the heart of what we all know we want (or don’t want) from a roommate.
Oh come on, you know it’s true.
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Yeah! “This is a sober environment - for you” LOL
Even sublets are bad with this kind of stuff. In the fall I was trying to find a place and eventuall found a completely against-the-rules arrangement in Stuy-town where the woman wouldn’t even let me use her kitchenware, and had a friend coming to check on the place when I was home.
Oh, us crazy New Yorkers and our quirks!
It is always funny to me the amount of optimism people have a few days before they start looking for a place, and then when you reconnect with them a week later, they are inevitably bitter and jaded.
BEFORE: “I am soooo fine with living in a small place. I don’t need much room! I am just excited to find a decent place in a decent area, and the brokers I have spoken with seem honest and helpful!”
AFTER: “I fucking hate everyone. These brokers suck, and the only places I can afford don’t have enough room to fit my bed in. Manhattan sucks.”
When I first moved to the city I dealt with some doozies. My favorite was a therapist who had a home office. She was renting her office space to tenants with the rules that they had to be out of the space from 9 to 5 and had to put all of their belongings in a closet while they were away. (In her defense it was a large closet.) What if I got sick? What if I had the day off and wanted to sleep in?