I finally got to see a crazy person on the subway.
Ok, I see crazy people on the subway the way Haley Joel Osment will never escape the surly visage of Bruce Willis in his dreams, but this one was different. We’re talking toothless, cracked out, talking to the air. She entered the train Friday having a conversation with her imaginary friend (we’ll call her “Annie” because I think everyone’s imaginary friend was named Annie; it’s spunky, like that little red-haired orphan) and sat down next to someone whom, I presume, was turned off by body odor or her animal charisma and departed for a better seat near a person for whom Dial is not just something you do with a cell phone.

Crazy lady ranted on and on for a few minutes about some guy treatin’ her wrong (’cause, really, that pretty much is the root of all female insanity, isn’t it? At least, it is according to Gretchen Wilson)…and then the story gets better.
A policeman got on the train. Now, you just know hijinks are about to ensue but wouldn’t you know we got one of those rational, calm policemen. What the hell, dude? You’re NYPD! You’re supposed to come in with your nightstick out, arms akimbo, ready to dispense justice and pray to god no one’s cell phone has video capability.
Anyway, crazy lady ranted, saw the cop, ranted at him a bit. He bemusedly sauntered over and spoke a few words to her in a hushed voice that didn’t carry behind him (and I was really listening). She began to rant and rave some more about how she was “headed uptown” and he “coont doo nuffin ta ha!” (that’s a pretty good approximation of how she said it). She ranted and raved for a few more stops to some hapless fool who had sat down next to her about crazy cops and being harassed. The cop returned to her and she, ranting and raving, got up and exited the train when the doors opened.
The best part is that our train was then delayed in the station. The doors had closed, however, so the cop stood by the door while crazy lady stood on the other side of the door and shook her fist, ranted, laughed (showing her three teeth; they were very…interesting) and cackled at the cop.
Just as the dispatcher told us the train was moving, the cop, grinning, moved his index finger up to his lips and shushed her.
I want to follow this lady around with a camera. I’m thinking NBC would pick us up for a mid-season replacement.

Related posts:

1. E train and Q 39 Buses
2. Bus drivers that leave us hanging
3. Cell phones in the Subway
4. Doomed Without Phone
5. Emergency Exit Only