Subway Letters – Episode One


Some letters to my subway friends. You know who you is.

Dear sir,
I am ever so sorry I got in your way on a crowded train. I realize that no one’s journey is as important as yours; yours is a life of importance while the rest of us on the train were merely extras in the Michael Bay film of your life.
Given this knowledge, I attempted to accommodate you. I took my backpack off and sat it on my feet so there would be extra space for you to keep your massive hiker’s pack on.
‘Twas the least I could do. And when you fell into me for the eight hundredth time and I elbowed you? That was completely accidental. I had no idea that reading the Wall Street Journal on the train using both hands instead of gripping a pole for balance was your God-given right. You are correct; my presence on the train was entirely to support you by being a pinball bumper. When I kicked you on my way out? Completely accidental. And the Voodoo hex I put on your sex life last night? Total joke.

Dear madam,
I realize some seats are clearly reserved…but why, oh why, when an entire row of seats is empty, do you feel the need to sit in the seat adjacent to me? I realize I might possibly be THE sex symbol of the millenium after Colin Farrell, but show some propriety! When next you see an entire row of empty seats on a subway, why not choose one of them? it’s not that I don’t appreciate your elbow or the delicious aroma of whatever it you cooked last night and, apparently, in which you subsequently bathed, it’s…just…well, people will talk.
[photo from MIT.EDU. *I realize it’s a photo of Japan. Having lived there, I can tell you it is almost always that bad and does make New York crowds look positively pedestrian by comparison]

6 Comments so far

  1. Laiya (unregistered) on February 16th, 2007 @ 12:08 pm

    ROFLMAO. That was hilarious!

  2. Eric (unregistered) on February 16th, 2007 @ 12:21 pm

    Thanks, Laiya. Who knows? I suspect this is going to become a regular series of mine – and perhaps I’ll persuade a few of my co-bloggers to join in on it.

  3. Ban Daxter (unregistered) on February 16th, 2007 @ 2:56 pm

    A NYC Metroblog entry complaining about the subway? Wow, how original! I don’t think I’ve ever read anything like it on Metroblog before.

    Can’t wait for your “co-bloggers to join in”.

  4. Eric (unregistered) on February 16th, 2007 @ 3:05 pm

    Oh my god! Look at that. A somewhat anonymous commenter, prying their cheetos-crusted fingers away from their nether regions long enough to type something snarky! That’s new and original, too!

  5. angela (aka doris) (unregistered) on February 16th, 2007 @ 4:03 pm

    great idea, eric! the subway has endless fodder for rants and raves.

    for real re: the snarky comment.

  6. Neil (unregistered) on February 18th, 2007 @ 10:57 am

    haha, funny rant posts=good

    serious rant posts=meh

    You should challenge Noah to a rantoff.

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