Frivolous things I’ve learned about New York
- The #1 subway line is pretty and cute with art on some theme in every station and mosaic tile borders near the ceilings. Enjoy!
- The F line is skanky. In fact, the 57th St. F stop is the roachiest, moldiest, most pee-smelling place ever.
- There is a Duane Reade pharmacy every 5 seconds in any direction. In fact if you put together all the Duane Reade pharmacies in New York City with all the Starbucks in San Francisco then you would have a mediocrely caffeinated drugstore the size of a small nation. I am trying to imagine Mr. Duane Reade and failing. He turns out in my imagination like a hideous mixture of the Coca-Cola Santa Claus in a pharmacist outfit, Doc Holliday, and a Horatio Alger story hero, a hero with a pharmacy with a good heart who then somehow accidentally became a franchise tycoon, perhaps after his death. I’m afraid to look up the real person for fear of being disappointed.
- There is construction going on everywhere, at all times of night or day.
- New York people seem aloof at first. They warm up after a while and then seem like human beings.
- The New York people who aren’t aloof at first are either crazy or from out of town.
- If you are lost and ask directions, the other person will very likely also be lost, because they’re talking to you on the street and so are not aloof, and so they are either crazy or from out of town; thus, lost.