Frivolous things I’ve learned about New York

– The #1 subway line is pretty and cute with art on some theme in every station and mosaic tile borders near the ceilings. Enjoy!

– The F line is skanky. In fact, the 57th St. F stop is the roachiest, moldiest, most pee-smelling place ever.

– There is a Duane Reade pharmacy every 5 seconds in any direction. In fact if you put together all the Duane Reade pharmacies in New York City with all the Starbucks in San Francisco then you would have a mediocrely caffeinated drugstore the size of a small nation. I am trying to imagine Mr. Duane Reade and failing. He turns out in my imagination like a hideous mixture of the Coca-Cola Santa Claus in a pharmacist outfit, Doc Holliday, and a Horatio Alger story hero, a hero with a pharmacy with a good heart who then somehow accidentally became a franchise tycoon, perhaps after his death. I’m afraid to look up the real person for fear of being disappointed.

– There is construction going on everywhere, at all times of night or day.

– New York people seem aloof at first. They warm up after a while and then seem like human beings.

– The New York people who aren’t aloof at first are either crazy or from out of town.

– If you are lost and ask directions, the other person will very likely also be lost, because they’re talking to you on the street and so are not aloof, and so they are either crazy or from out of town; thus, lost.

6 Comments so far

  1. Josh (unregistered) on November 18th, 2006 @ 11:07 pm

    Sorry to disappoint you, but there is no Mr. Duane Reade. It was named after Duane and Reade Streets downtown. Surprisingly, they run parallel to each other and never cross.

  2. Liz Henry (unregistered) on November 19th, 2006 @ 12:28 am

    Noooooo! I still believe. Keep the magic alive…

  3. Doris Night (unregistered) on November 19th, 2006 @ 10:50 am

    if there were a mr. duane reade, i imagine him looking something like beard papa, only with an evil look and wearing a white pharmacist coat, and with a Twizzler hanging out of his mouth instead of a pipe.

    okay, too much caffeine.

  4. Liz Henry (unregistered) on November 19th, 2006 @ 3:38 pm

    Doris, we are definitely on the same page. I believe he also has round eyeglasses, a visor, and suspenders. His kindly look could turn to a leer of evil in a twinkling. I’m with you about the Twizzler.

  5. Noah (unregistered) on November 20th, 2006 @ 9:25 pm

    Liz, I resent your comment about NYers not helping find the way! I always help people who look lost, and most seem really appreciative. Maybe I am the exception to the rule… :)

  6. Lisa Hunter (unregistered) on November 24th, 2006 @ 10:04 am

    Interestingly, I get asked for directions all the time in other cities. I guess I’ve developed the New Yorker habit of walking purposefully, even if I have no idea where I’m going.

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