Clearly, You Can See He’s Nuts (About His Nuts, That Is)

After a good lunch-time work out there’s nothing I like more than balls in my face. I was sitting on a locker room bench, after getting out of the shower, smiling my smile while Sly and his Family Stone echoed in my head (twas a damn fine shufflin’ sesh today) when out of nowhere some lumbering ballsack almost clips my forehead. ” ‘Scuse me man, can you do that over there,” I asked, pointing to the other bench on the other side of the locker room area. With this, he merely shifted further down the same bench — a leg propped up on it — wiping himself with the diligence of a schoolboy tracing cursive letters on wide-ruled paper. I thought I’d wait a hot minute for him to finish so I could get through to my locker, but this fucker, oh man.

Now, there’s not a lot of space to navigate your way through this particular stretch of locker room so this Ballsack and his ballsack were starting to really piss me off. I just don’t understand why someone, be it man or woman, would want to spend more time in a New York Sports Club locker room than humanly possible. I’ve contracted diseases my diseaseologist has never even heard of .In the time this guy took to wipe himself I finished my unfinished novel, reconciled with an estranged cousin in Baltimore, decided that I should start taking vitamins and got my PhD in WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING YOU SO LONG!!!

3 Comments so far

  1. ~dana (unregistered) on August 29th, 2006 @ 3:36 pm

    I have them at my gym too and I deem the practice “Agressive Nudity”–it’s one thing to be naked while changing, but walking around naked or taking way to long to dry off and/or dress, all the while up in people’s personal space–well that is just bizarre.

    Ever notice how it’s always the person you don’t want to see naked too?


  2. Art (unregistered) on August 30th, 2006 @ 11:41 pm

    Was this him, Michael? Recognize the ballsack?


  3. Michael O. (unregistered) on August 31st, 2006 @ 9:22 am

    this is a family metblog Art.

    savage.



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