Enough is Enough!!!
(image courtesy of Taser International)
Is it really illegal to walk around with a Taser, because if it’s not, I’m going to start carrying one… and using it.
While out with the girls over the weekend, I left them somewhere on Essex and headed towards Allen to catch the bus. It was around 1am (not so late for a Saturday) and these 2 guys spotted me from a half a block away. When they got closer, I knew they were going to make some kind of comment, but they said more than I expected. They asked me if I was lost – I didn’t answer. They asked again – I didn’t answer. They actually followed me and one started talking about all the graphic shit he was going to do to me. Asshole. It took everything I had to not to turn around and start pounding them. WTF?!?! I still can’t get over that. I was about a foot taller than they were, and of all the people on the street (lots of drunk little girls with hardly ANY clothes on), they decide to start with the scary tall chick that would have loved nothing more than to kick their sorry asses all over the LES. BUT, I stayed calm and instead of turning around, I just opened up my knife enough for them to see, and they backed off. THEN, to make matters worse, two other guys started in. They kept saying over and over that I shouldn’t be walking in that neighborhood alone. Are you kidding me?? Since when?? So, I guess guys have gone from cat calling to threatening.
Someone please tell me what we need to do to these idiots to get them to stop. There is no reason why I should suddenly not feel safe and secure in my city. I’ve been here for YEARS and this is the first time I was threatened.
Any suggestions that won’t put me in jail?
Ask Anna! Or Joan! They think criminalizing the speech will solve the problem!
I mean, if women wouldn’t invite the attention by dressing the way they do. You bring it on yourselves :)
Cute Michael. I think I’ll need to beat you the next time I see you for that comment. Then again, I think you might like that.
All kidding aside… I think what happened to you was obviously harassment. I think the fact that there aren’t enough police on the streets anymore is a huge problem and you can go blocks without seeing a cop. A woman should never have to feel threatened like that.
I don’t know the solution. It’s probably not an easy one, but one thing’s for sure… A bigger police presence on the street wouldn’t exactly hurt.
PS: Anna and Joan, I was kidding in the earlier comment. Don’t get your panties all in a bunch in case you’re reading this.
Sadly, I don’t know of a solution either and anything I can think of is just stooping to their level.
I say that any asshat who says the kind of things those guys said to you deserves a beating.
That said, I don’t really understand what motivates people to say stuff like that to people on the street. Whistling and catcalling is one thing, but threatening you with physical harm is not only harassment, but probably something they could get arrested for. I have no idea how to deal with it when it happens, though.
Vinny, Why is it that conservative men in order to mock liberal women always talk about their panties in a bundle/bunch? Is that exciting?
Melissa, that’s plain fucking scary. You could also take their picture the next time. Usually that deters them. Knife’s cool. You’re so hard core.
And all that patronizing shouldn’t be alone there shit is so fucking annoying. Like these guys think they could actually “protect” you better than you did. Just so happens that women are far more aware of their surroundings bc they have to deal with this shit on a daily basis.
Anna,
It’s a figure of speech that’s pretty well-known, not some evil plot from the right to oppress womyn, and I wish you’d stop pegging me as some kind of right wing ideologue. You really don’t know what the hell you’re talking about and you should probably use that education of yours to read a little more.
Jesus Christ (see? I’m not really invoking Jesus Christ. That’s a figure of speech). You really need to lighten up (figure of speech, you don’t need to lose weight).
What happened to Melissa was fucked up (figure of speech, there was no actual fucking goig on). Somehow, amidst the ranting and pigeonholing, you missed the part where I agreed with her.
And just for the record (figure of speech, there is no actual transcript of this conversation other than this comments section), this is significantly worse than the cat calling (figure of speech: no cats are actually being called) you want banned on the panel (figure of speech, no wood is actually involved) you were “so on.”
This was an actual threat. Aside from pissing them off (figure of speech, no one is actually pissing here) by taking their picture, do you have a solution? And don’t say criminalizing the speech because the conduct they committed was already illegal, so how do you suggest we handle it?
Or better. How would your “criticize the oppressor’s speech” panel leader handle this? After all, this isn’t something that’s legal but wrong, but something that’s already illegal with no one around to enforce it.
I’m open (figure of speech: my skin is completely in tact; I’m mentally open) to suggestions.
(In the future I will mark off (figure of speech: I’m not actually going to use a marker) every figure of speech this way Anna can cool the oppression complex a bit. Don’t worry Anna. I’m married, will be for 5 years in September, and contrary to what you think I’m not a right-wing ideologue or a womyn hater no matter how much you try to paint me (figure of speech, you’re not using actual paint) as such.
dude, i know it’s a figure of speech. apparently you need to learn how to read tone better.
the rest of the comment was not directed at you, i am well aware of the gravity of that encounter, and thus i do not respond to your tirade.
Melissa, glad you’re ok.
Thanks everyone. I’m glad I’m ok too.
I was telling a friend about what happened to me and they weren’t surprised at all. They actually flipped out that I wasn’t surprised. I guess I shouldn’t be, but part of me really is. It’s not as if I think I’m invincible or invisible, I just have been fortunate after all these years in NYC. No one has messed with me… until now. I guess my lucky streak may have ended.
Hey Melissa… Have you considered carrying something like pepper spray or something similar?
I mean, I know it’s (at best) a gray area legally, but it might be a bit more effective at a distance and you won’t have to be right on top of someone to use it…
Just a suggestion. I think if scumbags like these started getting it in the eyes more regularly, they’d rethink their f’ed up attitude.
Hi Vinny. I actually used to carry it around.
You’re absolutely right about not having to be so close to someone to use it. Which is what makes it a great option.
I’ll have to start carrying it again. The last time I had it, the spray got clogged – which isn’t a good thing AND it supposedly goes bad after a year so you have to remember to replace it. I was a lot younger then, so I’m sure I’d do a better job of caring for the bottle this time around.
What would happen if, say, I soaked one of my harrassers in a nice tubeful of pepper spray? Is that legal in NYC? Would I end up being the one’s who’s arrested?
Look at it this way, Catherine.
To get arrested, you’d have to get caught. Chances are if you spray someone, you aren’t going to hang around and if you’ve resorted to spraying someone, there probably isn’t someone around to arrest you anyway ;-)
I don’t believe pepper spray is legal in NYC, but it’s very easily obtainable regardless.
Consider that by responding to a perceived threat with violence, you will be escalating the confrontation. If you’re going to escalate, you had better be prepared to deal with further escalation. And don’t forget that while you may be able to deal with the escalation in your immediate moment, there may be longer-term consequences. You should never escalate out of anger, only if you really honestly believe that the escalation is going to happen anyway without your control.
Women aren’t the only ones who have to deal with threats, harassment and abuse. Many men have had to deal with this sort of thing since they were children. More men (and especially boys) are targets of random street violence. So it’s not simply a gender issue.
There is no answer which is going to satisfy your idealist wish for justice. The most pragmatic answer is to find some technique for self-defense, but never use it on the random asshole with a big mouth. Just suck it up, keep your head down, and do *your* piece to make the world a better place.
check out streetharassmentproject.org and hollabacknyc.blogspot.com