Today, I almost fell inside of a city store’s basement…only I didn’t…because it was completely shut but loose…but I could have fallen easily and so I stood on top of it for a while, looked down, tried to take a photo but my memory card blows dog anus and gave me an error.

But falling down one of those store basement doors is one of my biggest fears while walking around Manhattan. It’s so easily possible but then I walked another block and realized that this run-on sentence is bound to run into a change in thought - it’s nearly impossible to fall down one of those doors when they’re open. The doors open up at 90 degree angles so the worst that could happen is you bump into the metal. You can really never fall…unless the metal flaps are closed and your weight is the catalyst equivalent to the final straw that breaks the proverbial camel’s back. Then you’re going to fall down, yelping at the top of your lungs, heart beating faster than the first time you scored 2nd base (some similar analogy for girls goes here). And then you’ll be the laughing stock of an entire city block and most likely 2-3 of the store’s employees.

I know it’s coming soon. I’m ready for all of the above. Bring it on you fucking doors. I’m not afraid anymore! I’m not afraid to fall! So there!!!!!!!!!!!!