In Defense of…

I think it’s kind of funny when people, or more pointedly New York bloggers, (link via gawker) gripe about things like how tourists conduct themselves whilst meandering through the city and other “what’s the deal with…” shit. What? You hate slow walkers? That guy didn’t swipe his MetroCard correctly the first time? What a piece of shit! You should probably assassinate the entire nature of his character lest he or anyone else make such an egregious misstep again. The following is in defense of those residents and/or tourists who supply fellow bloggers with such original, never-uttered-before fodder:

People stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to take pictures.

I agree tourist lady, the city maintains some of the most captivating architecture in the nation. It is kind of surreal right? I think that the picture of the Chrysler building you’re currently taking will come out great. And when you explain to your friends and family at home how looming yet magical the cityscape is you will have these shimmering shots of this Art Deco masterpiece to show them. Pretty cool eagles huh? Did you know that they are replicas of Chrysler hood ornaments used at the time? Fucking cool right? Just leave out the part about your trip where some guy with a noticeable paunch in a “This Is a Message T-Shirt” t-shirt murmured “Fuckin’ tourists” to you because when he travels he is so educated and socially aware of his environment that he would never indulge in such a pedestrian practice as taking pictures of the place he is visiting. Just keep in mind that this is same type of asshole who when traveling after 9/11 told people he was from Canada for fear that they would associate this single individual with the actions of his bestfriend/confidante The President. He’s not known for giving people any credit. Except Pitchfork writers.

People Who Need More Than One Attempt to Swipe Metrocard

Take your time. Sometimes it takes a second. That’s why there’s another turnstile right next to this one. And another one next to that one. And another one next to that one. And another one next to that one…

People walking with maps.

Don’t fear carrying around a map and being singled out as an “outsider.” Because, umm, how else are you going to learn your way around. Maps these days are incredibly user-friendly and take pains to point out tourist destinations and attractions. And spending two days with a map and learning your way around is a much better way to get around then having to stop every five minutes and having to find someone who currently is not using their cell phone, listening to their iPod or reading US Weekly to ask for directions.

People who wait on lines to get into places.

Though nobody likes waiting online don’t think that there is one person in the entire city of New York who hasn’t waited on line. Every single person. Who? Hipsters? They don’t go to bars that have lines? *Cough* Motherf*cker *Cough* Last Night’s Party. They’ll wait for hours outside a record store to get a limited edition Belle & Sebastian B-Side with coverart by Damien Hirst or some shit. And while your wait on line may result in some beer-fueled midtown sex theirs will assuredly result in blogging.

People with small dogs.

Umm…fuck, I got nothing. Yeah, I hate these people

3 Comments so far

  1. Doris Night (unregistered) on April 18th, 2006 @ 1:22 pm

    i’ve nothing against the map walkers and the line waiters – don’t we all do these things when traveling in other cities? the multi-swipers i could give a pass to, but after the third time, really, please get a clue.

    and fine, take a pic. *i* take pix in my own city as well, but i also LOOK WHERE I’M GOING. if i’m frigging BACKING UP into an active sidewalk, first i give a looksee, then go ahead and take my pic. i’d do the same thing everywhere.

    there’s no excuse. i mean, would you back up in a car without checking your rearview? people who don’t watch where they’re going – natives included on their oh-so-important cell phone calls – should all be shot.


  2. JMoney (unregistered) on April 18th, 2006 @ 3:03 pm

    The sidewalks are like NYC’s highways.. you don’t just stop in the middle of the highway, you look around and pull off to the side out of the way.

    New Yorkers wait on line. Tourists wait in line.

    Sometimes those turnstiles are stubborn even for experienced riders.


  3. Catherine (unregistered) on April 18th, 2006 @ 5:15 pm

    I usually just ignore multi-swipers, slow walkers and erstwhile amateur photographers because I’ve been in their positions many times. I followed that link you included, however, and I have to say that I do agree with number one (the one about tourists trying to take photos in front of Grand Central during rush hour and getting visibly angry at commuters trying to get to work). I work near the WTC site and I’ve had people get annoyed at me for accidentally getting in the way of their smiley family portraits in front of Ground Zero. It’s like, whoops!, sorry for ruining your awesome Christmas card idea, people. On the other hand most tourists here just want to pay their respects, and they do bring much needed dollars to lower Manhattan.



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