In Defense of…
I think it’s kind of funny when people, or more pointedly New York bloggers, (link via gawker) gripe about things like how tourists conduct themselves whilst meandering through the city and other “what’s the deal with…” shit. What? You hate slow walkers? That guy didn’t swipe his MetroCard correctly the first time? What a piece of shit! You should probably assassinate the entire nature of his character lest he or anyone else make such an egregious misstep again. The following is in defense of those residents and/or tourists who supply fellow bloggers with such original, never-uttered-before fodder:
People stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to take pictures.
I agree tourist lady, the city maintains some of the most captivating architecture in the nation. It is kind of surreal right? I think that the picture of the Chrysler building you’re currently taking will come out great. And when you explain to your friends and family at home how looming yet magical the cityscape is you will have these shimmering shots of this Art Deco masterpiece to show them. Pretty cool eagles huh? Did you know that they are replicas of Chrysler hood ornaments used at the time? Fucking cool right? Just leave out the part about your trip where some guy with a noticeable paunch in a “This Is a Message T-Shirt” t-shirt murmured “Fuckin’ tourists” to you because when he travels he is so educated and socially aware of his environment that he would never indulge in such a pedestrian practice as taking pictures of the place he is visiting. Just keep in mind that this is same type of asshole who when traveling after 9/11 told people he was from Canada for fear that they would associate this single individual with the actions of his bestfriend/confidante The President. He’s not known for giving people any credit. Except Pitchfork writers.
People Who Need More Than One Attempt to Swipe Metrocard
Take your time. Sometimes it takes a second. That’s why there’s another turnstile right next to this one. And another one next to that one. And another one next to that one. And another one next to that one…
People walking with maps.
Don’t fear carrying around a map and being singled out as an “outsider.” Because, umm, how else are you going to learn your way around. Maps these days are incredibly user-friendly and take pains to point out tourist destinations and attractions. And spending two days with a map and learning your way around is a much better way to get around then having to stop every five minutes and having to find someone who currently is not using their cell phone, listening to their iPod or reading US Weekly to ask for directions.
People who wait on lines to get into places.
Though nobody likes waiting online don’t think that there is one person in the entire city of New York who hasn’t waited on line. Every single person. Who? Hipsters? They don’t go to bars that have lines? *Cough* Motherf*cker *Cough* Last Night’s Party. They’ll wait for hours outside a record store to get a limited edition Belle & Sebastian B-Side with coverart by Damien Hirst or some shit. And while your wait on line may result in some beer-fueled midtown sex theirs will assuredly result in blogging.
People with small dogs.
Umm…fuck, I got nothing. Yeah, I hate these people