Money is Funny (That is, When You Have It)

Pulitzer-prize winning draft dodger and fucker of white women Dave Barry made my daily commute with this hilarious excerpt from the latest Newsweek. Then I realized that I read Newsweek and accordingly kicked my own ass.

NEWSWEEK: What makes you, Dave Barry, qualified to give financial advice?

Dave Barry: I looked around and I realized that I was the only person who hadn’t written a book about financial advice. And I thought, either I write it or Suze Orman was going to have to write her 97th book. Plus I was running out of topics, so it was this or Su Doku. I read Donald Trump’s book. It’s called: “How to Get Rich.” It took about an hour to read it, which I’d say is an hour longer than it took him to write it. It’s like this collection of random neural firings from Donald. I have a chapter [in my book] that really summarizes it including some quotations. He actually addresses the hair issue in his book, and he says it’s his hair. But I think he means in the sense that he legally owns it, I don’t think that he means it in the sense that it grows on his body. He does admit that he colors it—which comes as a huge shock to me. I thought it really was the color of Tang.

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