CWA: Conductors With Attitude
As a regular subway commuter I’ve heard many conductors announce stations, transfers, service changes. Most of them hate their jobs as is evident from their purposefully sloppy pronunciation, false information, and the general tone of contempt in their voice. They’d rather be above ground drinking wine coolers or something rather than wear those crappy MTA uniforms and be exposed to daily abuse by impatient and fed up commuters while working for the worst run non-profit in the world.
Nevertheless, once in a while the conductor was born to be a conductor and you will know it when you hear her/him. Sometimes they don’t limit their announcements to the above-mentioned topics but use their microphone booth as a sort of soap box. Sometimes they also communicate in an excessively happy singsongy voice, which really gets annoying after about two stops.
Anyway, here’s an example of a conductor/social critic:
A few days ago, at the York Street stop the train was waiting in the station for a rather long time. The doors tried to close and kept opening, etc. This usually means that someone’s holding the doors or that there’s a door problem (and you don’t want a door problem).
The conductor announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen! When there are train delays, don’t blame the MTA, blame your fellow passengers who are holding the doors open. They are usually causing the delays.”
(I’m sure at this point everyone in the car in which some kids were holding open the doors was just staring them down with the signature big city-you’re making me late-death look.)
Then. “Ladies and Gentlemen. I would like to remind you that this is a PUBLIC transportation system not a private one.”
And then. “Attention Parents: Using your children as doorstoppers is borderline child abuse.”
At this point the tension in the train dissolved into that wonderful moment when everyone looks up from their reading, makes careful eye contact with the other passengers, and exchanges barely visible grins.
The doors closed and we were off.
Related posts:
Heh, I love it when conductors actually get into their job.
On the yellow line, there is the conductor who raps what transfers are available:
“Transfer available to the 2, the 3, the N, the G! Well, not the G, but that’s how I do my rhyme.”
I’ve also rode the train a couple times with this conductor, also on the yellow line, who talks about all the things one can see/do at a given stop.
“This is 8th St., home of the famous Greenwich Village and thousands of NYU Students. Don’t get crazy with the tattoos and piercings while you’re here, though, folks.”
It’s awesome.
Word–I love this shit too. There is one guy on the non-automated L line trains who freaks everyone out at the 1st Ave stop Brooklyn bound. He theatrically comes on and says “Ladies and Gentleman this will be the LAST STOP on this train…” and everyone gets all exacerbated and starts looking around with bug eyes until he goes on after the pregnant pause “…in the borough of Manhattan. Next stop Brooklyn!” and everyone laughs and smiles. I have witnessed this little act at least 5 times at it never gets old.
That’s classic, Dana.
Hahaha. That’s hilarious. I would have loved to be there and see people’s reactions. Though I would have been the one ridiculous person who couldn’t maintain the stoic attitude and my echoing laugh would have come busting out, prolly only bringing back the tension. :/