“That’s HOT!” No, It Isn’t – Shut The Hell Up Already

So, I’m on the subway this morning and I look up to see an advertisment that says something to the effect of: “Johnny looks hot in a snowboard sweater with etc. etc….” All well and good except that the “Johnny” in question was no more than 6 years old. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry but as ubiquitous as the word “hot” has become post-the Simple Life, unless you have a serious Humbert Humbert complex IT DOES NOT DESCRIBE A SIX-YEAR-OLD. This is the path advertising is taking us down – making everything okay for adults okay for kids. This is why I see 10-year-old girls in midriff-baring shirts and hooker make-up, and why I carry an eye dropper full of bleach to burn the image from my eyes after I’m done vomiting. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m anything but prude, but please, let kids be kids. If this keeps up, instead of saying “Oh, your baby looks so cute,” we’ll have “Oh god, that’s such a HOT baby!” Do we want that? Is that what we want? Because you know where that will lead, don’t you? That will lead to inner-womb beauty pageants, where kicking will be considered a talent and mothers will fudge their date of conception to get past the third-trimester cut-off because, you know, second trimester fetuses are so much more svelte than those 7-9 month fatties.

Oh, the company responsible is: www.childrensplace.com

5 Comments so far

  1. Joann Landers (unregistered) on November 19th, 2004 @ 3:15 pm

    I saw one. I real live little girl not even eight yet. She had on a short skirt, boots, big hair, and lots of dark eyeshadow, etc. She was with her overdone mother at Macys. It’s one thing to play dress up, but this was different.Sad.

  2. Josh (unregistered) on November 19th, 2004 @ 3:40 pm

    Exactly. Can’t wait for Martel to come out with “My First Boob Job”. Actually, I really can’t wait, because I’m dying to give my neighbor’s chihuaha a huge pair of tits.

  3. sonia (unregistered) on November 21st, 2004 @ 7:50 pm

    maybe it’s just me, but I thought that ad was hilarious. I totally read it as riffing on bullshit adult advertising. The reason I read it that way is cuz the kid is acting like a kid, sticking his tongue out and making a funny face. If he was sitting there wearing some tyke version of “Blue Steel”, well that would be another story.

  4. Josh (unregistered) on November 22nd, 2004 @ 11:59 am

    That’s totally one way to see it…except do you really trust the masses to grasp subtlety (and yes, I realize that question is inherently hypocritical in that I myself did not read it that way…but I don’t care)? Or, as my grandmother is fond of saying: “The sex I understand, but who tells them to eat?”

  5. katya (unregistered) on December 30th, 2004 @ 2:07 pm

    Any David Cross/Mr. Show fans will recall the glorious episode with the pre-natal beauty pageant – an unborn child is exploited, in utero make-up procedures, an elephant’s ass is kissed pay for the pageant fees. Hilarious. The show I mean. Not hooker children.

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