And the candied yam throwing stars will deliver the death blow

For native New Yorkers or anyone stuck in NY for Thanksgiving, I recommend you share my obsession with things that float on water and check out the Brooklyn Working Waterfront boat tour, which runs along the East River with pick-up and drop off at both South Street Seaport and Fulton Ferry Landing around 11:00 a.m. Price varies, etc. etc. – check out for more info.

As for me, I prefer an historically accurate celebration of Thanksgiving: I’m going to beat up some underage prostitutes with frozen-turkey nunchucks, just like the Pilgrims did.

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